Suits you

OUR mention of the political debate in Scotland about what age criminal responsibility should be reminds Glasgow lawyer Paul Hannah of representing a very young client who faced a serious charge in court. Paul says: "The tiny boy arrived at court with his dad. With great care and a degree of solemnity I carefully explained to him the charge he was facing. I stressed the seriousness of the situation. He didn’t say anything, preferring to stand there, staring straight at me. I thought I should check that he understood the process. Do you have any questions, I asked. With a quizzical eye, he looked me up and down. "Is that an Aquascutum suit?" he inquired.

A bit cross

THE website BabyCentre has announced that the classic pram brand Silver Cross has been voted favourite pram in a poll of parents – albeit in a more modern styling than they used to be. It reminds us of former police officer Harry Morris saying that the young woman employed in one CID office to file case reports wasn't perhaps the sharpest. One day she filed the theft of a Silver Cross pram under the heading Jewellery.

Bible story

SO what's happening with Donald Trump in America? The provocative president announced on Twitter yesterday: "Numerous states introducing Bible Literacy classes, giving students the option of studying the Bible. Great!" Rich Neville replied: "I imagine you’ll be given the option to swear on one pretty soon."

Canned it

ANDREW Gray tells us that the Church of Scotland in Brussels held its annual Burns Supper at the weekend where there was much sadness about the Brexit decision, and the feeling that many Scots will soon be leaving Brussels or are in the process of seeking Belgian citizenship. Added Andrew: "There's one sign the Scottish community may already be in decline. A Carrefour supermarket near the European Parliament has stopped stocking cans of Irn-Bru in a spot by the shortbread in the ethnic food section."

Police training

OUR tale of the police officers liberating whisky from a bond in their division reminds former cop David Russell who worked in Edinburgh: "Our old sergeant related how as a callow youth in the fifties his job as junior cop was to collect a container of beer at a brewery on the west of the city then tour the beat police boxes topping up screw-top lemonade bottles with it. To help cover the large distances, he used to jump on the step of a shunting goods loco which travelled right along the route.

"One night he jumped on the wrong loco, a through freight train, and ended up in the marshalling yards at Portobello, several miles away."

Batty

CRICKETS fans will know that India is leading 3-0 in a series of one day internationals in New Zealand. It has not gone down well with New Zealanders. Eastern District Police in NZ announced on social media with a picture of the Indian team: "Police would like to issue a warning to members of the public about the exploits of a group touring the country at the moment.

"Witnesses report seeing this group badly assault an innocent looking bunch of New Zealanders in the last week. Extra care should be taken if you are carrying anything that looks like a cricket bat or ball."

All about Eve

THE Herald story that the Government is trying to recruit more home economics teachers for Scottish schools reminds Moira Love of her daughter in the early 1980s coming home from high school with her first two recipes from home ec – coleslaw and Eve's pudding. Moira still has her daughter's recipe book which is why she knew what the first two recipes were. Over 30 years later her grandson arrived home from the same school with his first two recipes – coleslaw and Eve's pudding. Says Moira: "Both are excellent cooks but have never repeated either."

Sacre bleu

TODAY'S piece of whimsy comes from a Glasgow south-sider who tells us: "When I was a kid, my parents would always say, 'Excuse my French' after a swear word. So I'll never forget my first day at school when the teacher asked, 'Do you know any French?'"