Bit of a blow

SOME weather. As reader Alasdair MacKenzie gets in touch to tell us: "It has been quite wet recently, so imagine my surprise this morning to see a council worker watering the plants in Glasgow's George Square!"

And as a colleague told us: "It's so windy today I've decided to venture out dressed as a mime artist so I don't look daft when I walk to the shops."


WE can just imagine the conversation as young Amna was telling her pals on social media about returning to Glasgow. Said Amna: "I was helping out at my dad's shop when a customer asked, 'Oh, arye wan ay the weans?' I replied, 'Aye, just helping out for a wee bit the day.' Said the customer, 'Which wan are ye again? The teacher? Or the wan who never visits?'"

Voice of the people

SORRY, can't really ignore the Brexit bourach. As Richard Littler comments: "'We're not having a second referendum. The will of the people is clear. You can't just keep having referendums until you're happy with the result,' says Theresa May as she submits her deal for the third time."

And the fact that the Prime Minister was struggling not to lose her voice during her Commonds delivery yesterday did not elicit sympathy from everyone. Said radio presenter Iain Lee: "Theresa May doing her sick voice so she doesn't have to turn up at her work tomorrow. Genius. We've all done it."


OUR growing old observation today comes from veteran DJ Tony Blackburn who commented: "You know you're getting older when people call you at 9pm and ask if they woke you up."

Took off

CHELTENHAM Festival has begun – we've already tipped Bellshill in Friday's Gold Cup – and we shouldn't forget Scotland's other big connection with the festival which was the late Cumnock-born bookie Freddie Williams who took mammoth bets at the festival without blinking an eye. He was once robbed by armed gunmen as he left the course in his Range Rover, and the next year he arrived by helicopter stating: "If they shoot that down, then good luck to them."

Not all of Freddie's bookmaking was at the races. In his early days he was at a Cumnock Juniors game where committee members from Cumnock's opponents bet Freddy that they would lose 5-0, which they did. Freddie, though, had shrewdly taken a bundle from locals backing Cumnock to win by at least six.

THOSE WERE THE DAYS - 1978: “If I see a real tragedy in someone’s hand I keep it from them”

Food for thought

THE things weans say, continued. Says Bob Jamieson: "We took our grandaughters, six and nine, out for the day. As we sat on a bench having a picnic, my wife asked, 'Would Grandad like something to drink?' The six-year-old took one look and said, 'Don’t think so Granny, he’s too busy stuffing his face'."


TODAY'S piece of whimsy comes from a reader who emails: "Tell the punchline first.

"How do you ruin a joke?"

Fighting talk

BIG birthday yesterday was the 30th anniversary of the world wide web. It's contribution to our lives was perhaps best summed up by TV station Dave which declared: *The internet is a place where you get to pick fights with strangers and not get thrown out of the pub.

*There are millions of different websites on the internet but it's best to stick to the two or three you know.

*You can do anything on the internet, watch opera, find new music, share ideas but it's best just to watch gifs of dogs.

*Always remember that there is a life outside of the internet, but there are people and bees and rain out there so stay safe on the internet.

Any other good uses of the internet?

Camley's Cartoon: Calmac begin business networking cruises to the islands