Scotland’s Home of the Year, BBC Scotland ***

TWO months on from its launch and BBC Scotland continues to be a channel in search of a demographic. It dearly wants to be a broadcaster that is down with the kidz, but at the same time channel chiefs know it is probably wise to keep in with the old codgers who pay the licence fee (that’s you and me, daddio).

What better way to show the nation’s middle-aged, middle classes they are loved than by throwing them a hunk of pure red organic meat in the form of a property show?

Now half way through its eight-week run, Scotland’s Home of the Year is made for the BBC by Glasgow-based IWC Media, makers of Location, Location, Location, so it is no-one’s first rodeo. The idea is simple, if a touch flawed: viewers nominate their houses - it would be fairer, though more difficult to put together, if the entries were selected - and judges select the best in each area to go through to the final.

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The judges are architect Michael Angus, interior designer Anna Campbell-Jones, and Kate Spiers, a lifestyle blogger. It wouldn’t be a BBC Scotland show without one.

Each had their area of expertise. Michael earned his fee by spotting a Melnikov window, a moment simply crying out for someone to rush in, waggling fingers under the chin Chewin’ the Fat-style, and shout “Ooooooh!”. Alas, it did not happen. Anna spoke about furniture placement being an “art” (funny, never heard Picasso banging on about focal points and side tables), while Kate said things were “nice”, “pretty cool” and “lovely”, a lot.

With the three allowed to tour the homes on their own there was plenty of scope for Come Dine with Me snooping, but this was not that kind of show. Everyone was terribly polite, too much so, and there was lots of slo-mo walking through rooms to faux classical music. One longed for Kirstie Allsopp to materialise and charge through the joints like a china shop bull on crack, but the only outrageous thing our three amigos did was schlep round other people’s houses without taking their shoes off. Or is that not a thing any more?

The homes, likewise, were “dressed” as if they were up for sale (and what’s the betting some of them soon will be?) with tables set for dinner and bowls full of lemons and limes. Unless you have a serious gin and tonic habit no one needs that much citrus.

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This week’s three entries in the south of Scotland were an eco-house, a converted cottage and a place which looked out over the Solway coast. The first two were very nice (cheers Kate), but the third was an out and out stunner, even before we found out about the Melnikov window. It was so clearly a winner, despite some convoluted routine over scoring (borrowed from Come Dine with Me, funnily enough), one felt a little cheated having sat through the other two.

Next week the programme moves to the North East. Anyone who fancies entering their home for the next series - and I can see this idea transferring to network - should note that Michael is very fond of a grey front door while Anna cannot get enough of Birch ply.

The drawback of programmes like this is the aftermath, when you look away from the screen and around at your own home to find it is less Homes and Gardens and more comfy hovel. That way lies hell and Bank Holiday trips to out of town furniture stores. But as Kirstie and Phil never say but should, home is where the tumbleweeds of dog hairs are, and who would have it any other way.