AS she ruefully admits, every time Nicola Sturgeon mentions Rangers or Celtic at the daily Covid briefing, all hell breaks loose.

Supporters pile on in defence of their team, however daft some virus-go-lucky player has been.

What a relief then to find a club that everyone hates and whose members are all in denial.

Less loved even than the Old Firm, the Old Boys’ Club is a delightfully fan-free zone.

Ms Sturgeon couldn’t get enough of the squad at FMQs, especially their dreaded front two, David Davis and Alex Salmond.

Tory Ruth Davidson brought up one of the claims Mr Davis had made about the Salmond affair in the Commons on Tuesday.

The former Brexit Secretary, unaware of Scottish Government skill levels, alleged an official had tricked some smart lawyers and suppressed a court document.

The First Minister denied it.

There was categorically no one that sharp in her administration.

Plus, having a Tory MP reading “his old pal Alex Salmond’s conspiracy theories about the sexual harassment allegations against him must be the very epitome of the Old Boys’ Club.

“Parliamentary privilege might confer all sorts of protection, unfortunately for Mr Davis, it does not turn falsehood into fact.”

To the sound of John Swinney exploding, Ms Davidson replied snottily: “I do not deal in conspiracies. I deal in facts.”

Better change career, then.

Ms Davidson pressed on, quoting snuck-out legal advice which had urged the Government to be candid, not “shifty-looking”.

The FM said it was Mr Davis and Ms Davidson who were shifty.

The latter should listen more to the women involved “and a bit less to Alex Salmond and cronies”.

At which SNP MSPs sat up like startled meerkats. 'Aren’t we Alex Salmond’s cronies too?' asked their sad little whimpering faces.

Then, as inevitable as death and taxes, Ms Sturgeon raised the departure of the Blue Baroness.

The Government had only royally messed up its sexual misconduct probe because it tried to do the right thing, she argued.

“In the world of the Old Boys’ Club, that mistake would never have been made, because the allegations would never have been investigated, and would have been swept under the carpet instead.

“Ruth Davidson will see that Old Boys’ Club a lot more closely when she joins the House of Lords, in just a few weeks’ time.”

Scottish Labour leadership try-out Anas Sarwar had far more success raising dire problems with mental health services.

When did the Government last meet the target for referring young people for help? he asked.

After much waffle from Ms Sturgeon, he made her flinch by saying: “The answer that the First Minster was looking for is ‘never’.”

He shoots, he scores.