THE first FMQs of the new parliament and the smell of fresh meat hung heavy in the air.

Having licked her chops after mocking Ruth Davidson all the way to the House of Lords, Nicola Sturgeon settled down to dine on her successor, Douglas Ross.

However the new Scottish Tory leader proved a tougher beast than she might have hoped.

He began by listing multiple moans from businesses struggling under the extended lockdown in Glasgow, Ms Sturgeon’s home turf.

The First Minister understood the frustration of businesses, but you know, Covid eh? What can you do?

At least she wasn't Boris Johnson, the Prime Muppet who Dominic Cummings napalmed on live TV.

"It is sometimes necessary for people such as me in leadership positions [ie not you Dougie] to take very quick decisions," she said.

"It is often the failure to take quick and firm decisions that leads to loss of life. Anybody who is in any doubt about that had only to listen to a fraction of what Dominic Cummings described as the chaotic response of the United Kingdom Government at key moments of the pandemic. I will continue to try to take difficult decisions as well as I possibly can."

Mr Ross was not for diverting.

"The First Minister answered a question about restrictions in Glasgow and more support for affected businesses by referencing Dominic Cummings.

"I am sure that there will be plenty of time for her to answer scripted questions about Dominic Cummings from her backbenchers."

SNP MSPs looked on in puzzled silence. This wasn't in the script.

Ms Sturgeon seemed flustered.

"I say to Douglas Ross that the point that I was making... was about the importance of careful, cautious and responsible decision making in the face of a deadly virus.


"I was also pointing out, with reference to some of what we heard yesterday, what the impact and implications can be if a leader does not take careful, cautious and responsible decisions."

Careful and cautious? Wasn't she stressing the importance of "very quick decisions" a minute ago?

Mr Ross, a part-time ref who knows an Achilles heel when he sees one, then raised the Greens.

The FM is talking to the adorable tax-huggers about joint government.

Referring to Patrick Harvie and colleagues this week breaking Covid rules to sink a post-talks pint, he sneered: "The Green party... ignores business unless it to wants to celebrate at a high-end bar."

Ms Sturgeon ignored the laughs.

Later, SNP newbie Jim Fairlie brought up the Brexity UK-Australia trade deal spooking farmers.

"Douglas Ross wrote to all the farmers in my constituency and told them that he was going to be the farmers’ champion in Scotland," he revealed. 

"I wonder whether that will be one of the red lines that he will gaily skip over like a new-born calf."

There was a rustic kerfuffle.

"For some reason that is best known to him, Douglas Ross seems intent on telling Jim Fairlie that he is a lamb, not a calf," observed Ms Sturgeon. 

Either way, he escaped slaughter.