HEARD the one about the Irish lassie and the Scots woman who tried to smuggle a suitcase full of cocaine out of Peru? The story of Michaella McCollum and Melissa Reid was no joke, though it was hard to tell initially from the five-part documentary High: Confessions of an Ibiza Drug Mule (BBC1, Monday).

As the tabloid title signalled, this was not going to be some Channel 4, Unreported World-style expose of drug trafficking and its impact on the world’s poor. Originally made for BBC3 and packed with (melo)dramatic reconstructions, it was a mishmash of styles and tones, as if the crew that made Love Island had fancied trying its hand at a Panorama.

At the centre of the tale was McCollum, telling the story from her point of view. Reid only appeared in the news footage from the time.

“Age 19 I became one half of the Peru Two and owner of the world’s most famous up-do,” said McCollum by way of an introduction, and an explanation for the way she wore her hair in a giant bun.

We heard all about how the trip to Ibiza was the first time abroad for the girl who grew up the youngest of ten in rural Northern Ireland; how she threw herself into the party scene; how she met a “tall dark handsome stranger”; how she agreed in a drugged stupor to transport drugs. How she got caught.

At every turn you wondered how anyone could be so daft. McCollum had asked herself that many times and the answer she kept coming up with was that she was young, naive, easily led.

Yet it felt like something was missing, and it was not just Reid’s contribution, though her absence was glaring enough. At one point McCollum said going to Ibiza in the first place was another way of running away from things, but no-one pressed her to elaborate.

The filmmakers could not get enough of her banter though. She was funny; the kind of company you would enjoy on a short journey somewhere. Recalling that the cartel had hidden the cocaine in packets of porridge oats, she said: “Did we look like the kind of girls who liked porridge so much we’d take a suitcase of it on a flight to Spain? Did anyone?”

If Karin Lossow had been in charge of the interview we might have found out more. Karin Who, you say? Ah, like me you had yet to make the acquaintance of Ms Lossow, one of the heroines at the heart of Walter Presents: Nordic Murders (More 4, Friday).

Lossow lived on Usedom, a part German, part Polish island in the Baltic Sea. Every good crime drama starts with an interesting location, and this one was packed with history.

She is a great character, a groovy granny in her jeans and sit up and beg bike. A former chief prosecutor, her daughter Julia was a cop, so a law-abiding family, then – apart from mum’s murder conviction.

This, the second series, started with Julia going missing, a new detective appearing on the scene, and there was a bison on the loose. Of course there was. The series stands on its own but you may be tempted to seek out the first season. Yet more for the watch list.

I popped in to Countdown (Channel 4, Monday) to see if Anne Robinson had settled in as host. Mmmm. She still looked like a cat that had suddenly found itself in a home for aged canaries and was trying desperately to play nice. The contestants, who all seem to be accountants, still look terrified. It will end in tears, and feathers.

Farrow and Ball: Inside the Posh Paint Factory (Channel 5, Thursday), being an hour-long programme about the stuff people put on their walls, was just begging for one of Anne’s put downs. “Like watching paint dry” she might have said. It was, indeed, a stretch at times. Half an hour off the top would not have gone amiss. The paint mixing part was dull (sorry people) but the marketing was fascinating. These were not just tins of paint; they were pots of dreams, there to be dipped into for a price. Or you could just go with magnolia again.

The Great Food Guys (BBC Scotland, Thursday) was back for another series with presenters Nick Nairn and Dougie Vipond. The format, part chat show, part cookery programme, is a winning one and at just half an hour it makes a moreish viewing snack.

Though as the first programme showed, it rather depends on what's cooking. Nairn warned vegetarians it was going to be an episode for meat lovers and so it proved. Braised ox cheek no less. At times like these the guest usually saves the evening, but this week the hungry celebrity perched on a stool was Rory Bremner.

Nothing against the impressionist chap; it’s just that he was also the guest on Countdown last week and his chat had not changed much. There seems to be an ever dwindling supply of celebrity guests out there, so often do the same faces turn up. Something to do with Brexit I expect.