ONCE upon a time in a parallel universe far, far away, somebody sat down and devised a strategy to kick start Scotland’s Covid economic recovery.

At stake is the very future of Scotland’s city centres after months of being devoid of people, sent indoors by the pandemic, and offices cleared of thousands of workers.

Pubs and restaurants were shuttered for months – shops too – leaving many businesses staring into the financial abyss.

Now that things are finally opening up and normality returns, it is up to the same ministers who sent us all indoors to dream up radical ideas to get people back into city centres and spend their hard earned money.

But some of what has actually been proposed beggars belief and makes you wonder what planet many of our legislators reside on.

Scotland’s rail network is being nationalised at the beginning of April, paving the way for radical thoughts on increased services and reduced ticket prices in a bid to get people to get back on trains.

Even if it was only for a year and cost the taxpayer millions extra, surely it is worth a shot to entice people back to the railways or get folk who never use them to give it a go.

There is a cost of living crisis, which has been highlighted by politicians for months, so it was a golden opportunity for ordinary Scots to see a small fall in their every day costs.

But instead, in a breathtaking example of how politicians are tone deaf, ticket prices will instead rise by 4%, adding to the misery faced by millions.

Even worse, services are being slashed by 250 a day – so at a time when everyday costs are at a record high – ministers have actually cut the number of trains and expect passengers to pay more.

I don’t know which economics book that idea came from, but whichever wag bought it should demand a refund.

Transport Minister Jenny Gilruth then suggested it was the fault of passengers for not using a service that is running at just 50% of pre-pandemic levels.

A minister, incidentally, in the same cabinet that imposed the restrictions in the first place and who are still making working from home the default position for workers.

You couldn’t really make it up, but at least we can all drive to work and avoid the trains as that surely is a much more cost-effective way of commuting. Well, no, actually after along came the next economic bombshell – the imposition of the parking poll tax – the workplace parking levy which could see workers charged up to £1,000 simply to park at their office.

Ministers are giving councils the power to introduce a workplace parking levy as part of a blueprint to “‘discourage car use” and cut emissions.

However there would be no “upper limit” that councils can charge meaning employers could be charged hundreds of pounds if they have a designated amount of spaces.

Ministers are looking at pricing people out of using cars to help meet a pledge to cut the amount of vehicles on roads by one fifth.

The Scottish Government has published its strategy to deliver a 20 per cent reduction in car kilometres by 2030 as part of a legal commitment to cut the country’s 1990 levels of carbon by 75 per cent.

But while it is a laudable idea, coupled with rail fare increases, it should be postponed.

Asking people to pay more simply to travel to work in the midst of a cost of living crisis is beyond parody.

With the economy teetering on the brink after two years of pandemic restrictions, surely climate change fears should be pushed to the backburner for a short time to let things recover.

A non-fossil fuel backburner obviously.

But instead, legislators plough on regardless with their attempts to price cars off the roads while not offering a viable, cheap alternative on public transport.

Instead they commit millions to ‘active travel’ schemes – walking and cycling to you and I – to encourage folk to use shanks’s pony or a bike. In Scotland. In winter.

They might as well go the whole hog and reintroduce horses and carts, which are environmentally friendly – so long as the horses don’t break wind. Meanwhile, ministers can speed by in their taxpayer funded limousines congratulating themselves on forcing Scots to exercise – and end the obesity crisis they lecture us about every other day too.

It would enough to turn you to drink, if we could be sure they won’t close all the pubs again soon.