Elon Musk finally completed his on-off takeover of Twitter in October, and the billionaire has already floated a number of suggestions that would change the face of the platform. 

A vocal defender of free speech, Musk’s latest proposal may result in some users paying a price for it. 

Who is Elon Musk?

Depends who you ask. Consult a 17-year-old who kissed a girl you won’t know up his gran’s bit and they’ll tell you Musk is a brave visionary with an entirely natural head of hair. 

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What would everyone else say?

The wealthiest person in the world, with a net worth of $210 billion, South African tech magnate Musk is CEO and founder of space exploration company SpaceX, CEO and product architect of Tesla and an internet troll who is routinely accused of peddling misinformation. 

His most notorious moment came in 2018, after he arranged for a mini-submarine to be built which could help children trapped in a flooded cavern in Thailand. British cave diver Vernon Unsworth, who helped with the rescue operation, criticised Musk’s submarine. 

He responded by calling Unsworth a “pedo (sic) guy”. 

Musk also likes to kick puppies and trip up old women, preferably when the old women are carrying puppies.


Obviously not, but by placing such a high premium on his version of free speech Musk would appear hypocritical were he to clamp down on anyone insulting him. As yet, there has been no action taken against satirical Australian website Chaser, which recently ran the headline “‘I will bring freedom of speech back to Twitter’ declares dog f***er Elon Musk”. 

What has the guy who definitely does nothing inappropriate with canines done now?

Musk acquired Twitter for $44 billion last week, and it has been reported that he plans to charge users for a blue tick.

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I don’t use Twitter. What’s a blue tick?

You’re lucky and I’m jealous. 

For the 238 million victims who have failed to escape this online hellhole, a blue tick is a form of verification. Anyone who qualifies as a celebrity or journalist is entitled to one, and as of 2021 there were 400,000 verified Twitter users.

A blue tick means anyone who finds your account knows you’re real and not an impersonator, so if there’s one next to @ElonMuskKicksPuppies you can be assured it’s not a parody account. 

On Sunday night, Musk responded to the reports by tweeting: “the whole verification process is being revamped right now”. 

So how much will it cost?

$19.99 a month. 

And what do I get for 20 dollars?

Free speech.