There are certain Christmas traditions upon which we can rely. 

Customers complaining because you don’t have the right ‘will this do’ aftershave or perfume set. Customers literally fighting with each other to get a pint of milk before the shop closes for a total of one day. The same twelve Christmas songs being played on a loop through a tinny PA system for eight weeks. 

If you haven’t worked in a supermarket I’m sure there are others that come to mind. 

One particular song from your local Asda’s festive playlist has this week announced its annual hostile takeover. 

Hang on, it was Halloween the other day. 

The season of commerce waits for no man. 

How was the transition marked?

A special video was uploaded by the western world’s official Christmas spokesperson. 

Santa? I know him!

No. I don’t recall Santa collaborating with Jay-Z or Justin Bieber. 

You mean…

Yes, it’s Mariah Carey season. Or, as the video she uploaded on Monday put it, ‘#MariahSZN’. 

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What does this video involve?

Shot in black-and-white, Carey rides a Peloton bike replete with pumpkins. The famously lowkey singer cackles as bats fly by her witch’s hat. 

Suddenly, the calendar shows ‘November 1’ and we’re in colour, with our heroine dressed in a Santa costume while sitting on a reindeer. 

Turning to the camera, she sings “It’s time”. 

That sounds uncharacteristically restrained. 

She doesn’t so much sing it as deploy her five-octave range and level buildings with a piercing cry of ‘It’s TIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!”. Think ‘Heeeere’s Johnny’, but significantly more menacing. 

As the camera pans out to reveal a winter wonderland, her iconic 1994 single ‘All I Want for Christmas Is You’ plays. 

It is now officially Christmas. Or #MariahSZN at the very least.

What’s the reaction been like?

Twitter was quick to embrace the 53-year-old’s message, with @eduardo_garcmol tweeting: “The Greeks had the myth of Persephone to account for the changing of the seasons and we have Mariah Carey”. 

874,000 people have ‘liked’ it so far, making it one of 2022’s most popular tweets. It’s no wonder, given the song’s enduring popularity. 

In the tradition of Phil Spector and his 1963 ‘A Christmas Gift For You’ album, it’s a joyous slice of pop that has rightfully taken its place in the festive canon. 

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It’s been 28 years. Isn’t Mariah sick of it by now?

As of 2017, the song had earned over $60 million in royalties.

That’ll keep her warm through winter. 

It’ll need to. We’ve now got seven months to endure until summertime is officially announced by DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince.