As has become traditional at FMQs, Scottish Tory leader Douglas Ross began by reminding the chamber that his wife is a serving police officer. It shows one of them has a real job.

The declaration of interest also let him ask about Scotland’s dwindling supply of cops. 

The nation’s thin blue ba’ hair is in trouble. Down 700 officers in the last decade. Police stations closing left and right. Soon there’ll be no one left to arrest former first ministers.

Just how many more cops was Mr Yousaf willing to shed, Mr Ross demanded to know. The FM insisted all was well, barring the “economic mismanagement” of the Tories of course. 

“I am not going to take lectures about the public finances from Douglas Ross, when his party has completely decimated the economy and public finances of this country,” he said. 

Mr Ross has recidivist tendencies, however. He kept offending in Mr Yousaf’s eyes. 

On he chuntered about cop shop closures and police pilot schemes ignoring some crimes.

Why didn’t he say where the cuts would fall or which crimes would go unpunished?

“For a First Minister who loves the sound of his own voice, it seems quite stark that he is silent when it really matters,” he scoffed.

That did it. SNP hackles snapped to attention. Mr Yousaf gave him a Sergio Leone stare.

“Humza Yousaf is a criminal’s dream,” Mr Ross continued. “He does not want them stopped, he does not want them caught and he does not want them in jail. Why is he being so sly, sleekit and secretive about the consequences of the SNP’s cuts to Police Scotland?”

But Mr Yousaf was ready for him. “I think that Douglas Ross is just jealous because nobody likes the sound of his voice,” he quipped, raising a genuine laugh.

Alas, he then took it too far and spoiled it. “His lies about the police service simply will not wash,” he said of wee Doug.

Presiding Officer Alison Johnstone leapt on him. You can’t call these muppets liars. The idea was “wholly inappropriate”, she said, asking him to apologise.

“I am happy to call it a deliberate inaccuracy,” the FM smirked. But Chief Constable Johnstone doesn’t suffer neds. “First Minister, I must ask that you apologise,” she frowned.

“I’m happy to apologise to anybody who has been offended by the post-truths from the Conservative Party and to anyone who has been offended by my remarks,” he giggled.

Now it was a growl. “I ask that you apologise to me and to the chamber,” she rumbled.

“I am happy to apologise to the chamber for any offence,” he muttered.

Labour’s Anas Sarwar also focused on crime. But he was far more relaxed, far more slick. He even took Rutherglen & Hamilton West from under the SNP’s nose.