Greenland: Nicola Sturgeon's TV favourite Borgen predicted it all

You remember Borgen: Danish political drama, Europe’s The West Wing, fave watch of Nicola Sturgeon (though don’t let that put you off). It was the fourth series, the one about Greenlanders striking oil and the ructions this causes, not least with the US, Russia and China.

Birgitte Nyborg (the wonderful Sidse Babett Knudsen), Denmark’s first woman prime minister, now foreign minister, battles to keep the peace, all the while going through the menopause. 

First aired in 2022, it’s an amazing piece of foresight on the writers’ part, akin to the recent discovery of a scene in Tom Clancy’s Jack Ryan which apparently explains the whole Venezuela business. 

I’d like to tell you if and how Birgitte saves the world, but I’m only on episode three (of eight). I’ll keep you posted. 

In the first Gladiator movie, Ridley Scott famously sent real tigers into the arena with Russell Crowe. On Gladiators (BBC1, Saturday), the producers went one better and dispatched a Glaswegian male in Lycra to do battle. 

Sophie Rundle and Nicholas Gleaves (Image: Matt Squire/Quay Street Productions)

Josh was the name, and being a salesman at a gym company was his usual 9-5 game. His fellow “civilian” was Finn, a fell runner from the Lake District who worked at a nuclear power station. “That’s a healthy glow you’ve got,” said host Bradley Walsh, in a joke only made possible by The Simpsons. 

What were the odds on plucky Josh beating Gladiator Viper in Duel, Bionic in Destruction, or Legend in The Edge? If you had an opinion on such matters, you were either aged four to 24, or the parent or grandparent of the same. Since its return two years ago, Gladiators has gone from strength to strength with the older and younger sets, both of whom cannot get enough of grown men and women hitting each other with giant cotton buds (pugil sticks to those in the know). 

The Gladiators themselves are now branching out into the mainstream - witness Legend (Matt Morsia) making his mark in The Celebrity Apprentice Christmas special. There’s even a spin-off show, Gladiators: Epic Pranks. 

Gladiators is a prime example of what every television exec is after - a show all the generations can watch together. There’s a joke for everyone, from the woman in the audience with a homemade poster saying, “Only here cos my friend fancies Apollo” to “My dad loves Diamond.” The youngest faces say it all. They are nuts for this stuff, in the same way a previous generation used to love It’s a Knockout (now unwatchable). 

Co-hosts Bradley Walsh and his son Barney strike the right note for the most part. In their efforts to appeal to as many as possible, the odd line gets through that shouldn’t (on Saturday, it was one about the Wall that I wouldn’t fancy explaining to young ears).

Josh did himself and his supporters proud, even if the ultimate result went against him. His time in the final trial was good enough for him to be in with a chance of reaching the quarter-finals, so he could live to fight another day. Hope springs eternal in Gladiators.

Insurance premiums going through the roof? Count yourself lucky. You could be living in Waterside, Yorkshire, scene of Mick Ford’s crime drama After the Flood (STV, Sunday-Monday).

In the first series, the fictional village suffered flash floods. Now it is fire that’s forcing locals to head for the community centre, clutching whatever they can carry. What fresh hell is next - a plague of locusts? A visit from Keir Starmer?

Whatever happens, you can rely on Jo Marshall (Sophie Rundle) to cope. In the first series, it was the heavily pregnant Jo who exposed a local corruption ring involving the council and coppers. 

Or at least that’s what we thought she was about to do at the cliffhanger end. But one year on, new mum Jo is still in the job, ditto the dodgy senior copper, Sergeant Mackie (Nicholas Gleaves). Having been threatened with all sorts by Mackie, Jo and her detective husband have resolved to gather more evidence on the quiet.

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If that seems far-fetched, there is no doubting the pull of a bent-copper storyline and a cast that includes Lorraine Ashbourne (Riot Women), Philip Glenister (Life on Mars), and, from tonight, Alun Armstrong (New Tricks). 

Among the new faces is Jill Halfpenny, playing DS Sam Bradley, recently transferred from Newcastle. DS Bradley seems a decent sort. With her children now at university, she has a seen-it-done-it-got-the-milk-stained-T-shirt air that appeals to new mum Jo. But she also seems oddly interested in the goings-on of a year ago. 

The fires on the moor look as terrifying as the floods did. In seconds, what had seemed a clear path forward becomes a clouded, fiery hell, with embers flying like bullets towards whatever is in their way. On Sunday it was Jo, who had rushed to the moors in search of her niece, one of a group of teenagers protesting about the management of the land.

It is one of several subplots bubbling away while we wait for Mackie to roll up again like a bad penny, alternately threatening and cajoling. The panto-villain act could get silly after a while, but at just six episodes (a mere blink in the Netflix eye), the conditions are set fair for another hit.

Halfway through Banjo and Ro’s Grand Island Hotel (BBC Scotland, Monday) and everything is bucolic business as usual.  

Banjo, one of the Aussie duo living their Scottish dream, is in voiceover mode, praising the “stunning” landscape, the “amazing” produce and the “incredible” people. 

Then, out of nowhere, a gunshot shatters the peace. The effect is harsh, disturbing, like a needle scraping across a record. Banjo heads off to investigate and comes across a hunter and  a dead stag. 

“[BLEEP], says Banjo. “Oh my gosh, what are you doing?” 

The hunter gives an impromptu tutorial on how to “dress” a deer for the larder. “We’ll now take all the organs out…”

Ro, also on the scene, observes with grim fascination. 

“When you live on the mainland or in a city, you’re completely disconnected from your supply chain,” he says. Judging by Banjo’s expression, that level of detachment suits him just fine. 

“This is land management,” continues Ro. “Pest management. But also food. It’s a resource.”

Cue the opening title and the action shifts to a shot of the duo on the ferry to Ulva, each stroking a ginger piglet like the world’s most benign Bond villains. “My babies, says Banjo. “They’re never to be eaten.” 

What was all that about? If the “Bambi moment” is supposed to show Banjo and Ro “getting real” about rural living, it’s well-intentioned but clumsy. Off the mark, too. No one could accuse this pair of being precious. Living without heat or hot water for weeks, they are entitled to a moan. Mostly, they’ve been remarkably cheery. Typical Aussies. I would have gone mad on day two. 

Later in the episode, Ro helps to get the water running and the roof fixed, both big-ticket items. With money drying up, they fall back on The Boathouse on Ulva, a cafe/shop they’ve leased, for some much-needed cash. First, it needs a makeover. 

This is where the episode enters the realms of fantasy. With a week to do the job, Banjo and Ro call in favours from pals. Not just any pals, but a joiner, chefs, painters: the sort of folk you can wait months for in rural areas. It was the same in last week’s episode when mates cleaned what became the hotel’s reception area. 

In both instances, Banjo and Ro throw parties to say thank you. Maybe that’s the secret sauce, the way to get things done. Whatever, it works for them and for this quietly endearing show. Endless scenes of tradespeople failing to turn up would make for a very dull half hour. The bleep machine would get a thorough workout, though. 

Down at The Boathouse, another interior makeover “miracle” happens. Much of it is thanks to Banjo’s treasure huts, dotted around Mull, which house his finds from over the years. He has a great eye for turning what seems like nothing into something special. As with old sails and iron pots, so with friends.