TV review: The Apprentice reboot 'a total disgrace'

It embarks on a reboot involving relocation to Hong Kong at gawd-knows-what-cost. Will it be a triumph or a disaster? Er, have you seen the show?

Introduced as “Britain's entrepreneurial elite”,  18 contestants completed the ritual walk across a bridge with a wheeled suitcase.  Also familiar were the compliments they paid themselves. “ My first car was a Tesla. I've recently upgraded to a Porsche,” said one. “I'm going to sprinkle my magic all over the boardroom,” said another.  I had a cat that used to do that.

Then came the first of several surprises: an additional two would be joining the gang. So now there are 20 of them to tie in with the 20th anniversary. Wow.

The next surprise was better - a trip to Hong Kong -  but the task was tiresomely familiar: find and buy a list of items. So instead of running around London making eejits of themselves, the contestants did their headless chickens act in Hong Kong.  

The women were hopeless, proving every jibe about female map-reading skills depressingly correct. At one point they even lost their driver. 

After a conclusion to the task that was pure Race Across the World, half of the women’s team returned two hours late.  

“A total disgrace,”  Lord Sugar barked.  Ah well, his sunny mood was nice while it lasted. 

If you're wondering about Scottish contestants, there is Roxanne from Aberdeen, a pharmacist who has founded her own beauty brand dealing in brows.  She might want to start with Lord Sugar.  Those brows are going to be doing a lot of furrowing over the next 11 weeks.

Benedict and Sophie (Luke Thompson and Yerin Ha) meet at a masked ball. (Image: Netflix)

For all the hardships endured by Jane Austen,  at least there was no autocorrect in her day. Every time I try to write the title of Bridgerton (Netflix, now) the computer says no and changes it to “Bridgeton”, as in the Glasgow district.  Now that would be a novel romantic drama. “How lovely, dear heart, that your supporter’s scarf should echo your eyes.”

As a chat-up line, it’s far too tame for Chris Van Dusen’s creation, which has made its name by not retreating at the bedroom door.  But there has always been more to Bridgeton - sorry Bridgerton -  than the sex.  Alongside the frivolity are sharp takes on social issues such as race, class and a woman's lot.

Each series, set in Regency London, features the romantic fortunes of the Bridgerton boys and girls. In series four, it is the turn of Benedict Bridgerton (Luke Thompson) to marry. He is in no hurry.

But what is this?  At a masquerade ball, Benedict spies a young woman. Wearing a silver mask to match her dress, she is set apart from the crowd, drinking in the scene like so much Champagne. 

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Benedict engineers a meeting on the terrace with the mystery lady. Just as it seems that these two lonely love birds might have found each other, the clock strikes midnight and the lady in silver runs off into the night, leaving behind a single glove. 

Simple, thinks Benedict: I shall trace this Cinderella through her glove.  It can't be that hard, can it?  When there are eight episodes to fill you can bet your breeches it is going to be a long haul before love finds away - if it does.

Drenched in sunshine, Bridgerton is a shot of vitamin D to the soul. If the writing is not as sharp as before, it still has more witty asides in a single speech than other shows have per episode. Just what we need to survive these miserable weeks before spring. 

Multi-tasking Clive Myrie comes in several versions. There’s serious Clive, who reads the news and stands on rooftops in Kyiv; quiz show Clive, host of Mastermind, and travelogue Clive, presenter of adventures in Italy and the Caribbean. 

In his latest programme, Clive Myrie’s African Adventure (BBC2 Monday-Tuesday) he opts to merge all the “Clives” and make a series that is at once light and serious. Think early Alan Whicker for the TikTok generation.

The ten-part series opens in Johannesburg, where Myrie was based 20 years ago as the BBC’s South Africa correspondent. There’s a bitesize geography lesson - “South Africa lies on the southernmost tip of Africa” - before he’s off to Soweto and one place in particular - Vilakazi Street, described by Myrie’s pal and producer Milton Nkosi as “the nucleus of anti-apartheid resistance”.

Recalling old times, Myrie says the usual coverage of Africa focused on death, war, and disease. “We want to try and tell some good news stories because there are tons of them,” he says.

So the stage is set for a half hour of political history mixed with lunch in a chi-chi restaurant (with Mandela’s granddaughter Ndileka), having a go at the new sport of “spinning” cars (aka “dough-nutting”), and trying his hand at street art.  In the second episode, showing tonight (Tuesday), he takes a surfing lesson. 

In short, he was no John Simpson or John Humphrys, and that is a good thing - up to a point. Serious issues are covered, but at one remove. The craft centre he visits, for instance, supports women living with HIV, while the surf school was started to steer youngsters away from crime. 

But what of the other things happening in the country? What was going on in those skyscrapers? Who runs this place and how well or badly are they doing? It matters that such topics are covered. Having wanted to strike more of a balance to the “death, war, disease” coverage of Africa, Myrie is in danger of going too far the other way.

When I told someone I was reviewing a programme about Glasgow Central, his face fell. “Every time I'm in there, someone is being huckled by the police,” he said. 

An entirely different take comes from Si King, one half of the Hairy Bikers with the late and much missed Dave Myers, and now taking his first solo step with Britain’s Favourite Railway Stations (More4, Thursday). 

A self-described “bikes and trains man”, King thinks that the story of rail has been well told, but the history of the stations has been neglected. 

“What a welcome,” he declares on arrival at Central. “The roof is stunning. What strikes me is the scale. Look at this architecture, look at the metalwork and the structure, and the time and skill that's been employed to create this massive canopy.”  The details, he notes, were there “just to please the eye of travellers that come through this magnificent station”.

Built by the Victorians, Central opened in 1879. “As soon as you walk in, it's a statement - we're here, we’re affluent, there's a boom on the Clyde with shipbuilding and heavy industry, and this is our jewel in the crown.

“These grand old walls and glass ceilings expressed the optimism of the age, and you can still feel it today,” says King. He loves the station because “you get a sense of the character and personality of the city that it serves”. 

Next stop is the Hielanman's Umbrella to meet Rhona, “a lass with Highland roots”.  Rhona outlined the history of the landmark, from being a welfare stop for victims of the Clearances to happier times as a meeting place for those in search of a date. “Do you know what a lumber is?” she asked King. He did.

King visited the underground museum run by Paul, a volunteer, then had a chat with John the shift manager, who told him that the floor was set at an uneven keel to keep people moving. As Glaswegians, we knew all this of course (aye right).

The man from Kibblesworth was in his element. As for the station, it sparkled in the sunlight. There was not a sniff of anyone helping the police with their inquiries. It wasn't that kind of show.  

King was a man in love and didn't care who knew it, praising Central as “the keeper of Glasgow's past and the light that shines towards the future, all wrapped up in this inspirational railway station. Thank you, Glasgow, until the next time.”

Thank you, Si, for the reminder to look up and see the beauty in front of us.