The Northern Lights of old Aberdeen mean sweet FA to me.
This is not actually true. It's only what I sing to disconcert supporters of Aberdeen FC. And only because they sing rude things about Glaswegian fans living in slums, adding: "You look in a bucket for something to eat. You find a dead rat and you think its a treat."
Dundee United supporters also have strange ideas about Glasgow dietary habits. They sing: "You've never seen a salad." I had an Arab, as Dundee United fans are called, at my dinner table once. He had so much to drink he was sick down the wall.
Thankfully, today's topic is not culinary football jibes. It is the Northern Lights, of which Aberdonians are extremely fond. Not surprising since it is like a free fireworks show.
I'm getting bit worried about the aurora borealis, to use its Sunday name. Scientists in Alaska are firing rockets at the heavenly dancers.
They say it's to leave chemical trails to measure geomagnetic storms in space that can interfere with satellites, power grids, navigation and communication systems.
But I think scientists just like setting off rockets. And there's probably not much else to do in Alaska.
More worrying for Aberdonians is that the aurora borealis has been observed to be moving southwards.
Scientists said it was to do with extra solar activity affecting the Earth's magnetic fields. But I suspect the lights are getting a bit fed up with folk in the polar region attacking them with chemical rockets.
The prospect of the Northern Lights being seen in more southerly locations may have a deleterious effect on tourism, especially by exiled loons and quines. They may not have to incur the expense of a trip to their home in Aberdeen to see the merry dancers that make the heavens bright.
Before we know it, that city with the castle, the Parliament, the festival and everything else going will be inviting visitors to experience the northern lights of Old Edinburgh. Which at least would give Glasgow football fans a new chant for games against Hearts and Hibs.
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