A BEARSDEN reader returned from a trip to New Orleans confirms the difficulties of using your mobile phone after a drink or two.

He was in the French Quarter when he heard a young chap on his phone to friends who looked up at the street signs and slurred down the phone: "Come and meet me – I'm at the corner of Bourbon Street and One Way."

Disaster zone

AMERICAN comedian and storyteller Ashley Strand, who is appearing at the Edinburgh Fringe this year with his show Glorified Disasters, tells us the difference between Americans and Scots following last year's appearance in Edinburgh when he witnessed two double-deckers colliding on the High Street.

In America, he says, people would rush over to find out if anyone was hurt. "But in Edinburgh," he tells us, "the first thing I heard after the impact was a Scot shouting, 'Waaay, ya daft b******!' as though he had just seen the greatest goal in World Cup history."

Big following

EURO Championships begin tonight, and we hear one football fan declare: "I'm supporting Greece."

He added: "Just like the rest of Europe."

Mill-ing it over

OUR mention of the late Cliff Hanley being included in the Oxford Dictionary of National Biography reminds us of when Cliff when into John Smith's bookshop on Byres Road to seek out a copy of philosopher John Stuart Mill's book, On Liberty, which debates the individual's right to freedom from the state.

When the asked the assistant if they had Mill On Liberty, the chap replied: "No, but we've got it On The Floss."

A dear Green place

THE attempt by potential new Rangers owner Charles Green to please fans by offering to rename their Murray Park training ground has met with some derision. Commented one Celtic fan: "Rangers should rename Murray Park after two former players, Alfie Conn and Jim Steele. Steele and Conn Park has a ring to it."

And someone even more cynical opines: "So what will Murray Park be known as this time next year? My guess is: 'Large greenfield site with outline planning permission for 180 homes'."

Whole new ball game

BUT for sheer daftness we commend the chap who commented: "So Charles Green wants to rename Murray Park. You know what'll happen. They'll change it, then he'll go and win a Grand Slam tournament."

Entertaining tale

A READER attending Royal Epsom last weekend tells us that one of the acts entertaining guests in the Queen's Stand was Pudsey the dancing dog who won Britain's Got Talent with owner Ashley.

When they left the winners' enclosure, after being swarmed by race fans wanting a pic, Pudsey was put in a pram, covered by a blanket so he couldn't be seen, and was wheeled out by a minder. It's a dog's life right enough.