'Don't touch I man locks," sang reggae star I-Roy.
He was talking about his hair, of course, not the Chubbs on the doors of his home in the Jamaican parish of St Thomas. I-Roy wasn't prodigiously dreadlocked – not like Newton Faulkner, say, or John Travolta in Battlefield Earth – but he was speaking for all Rastas when he issued that "hands off" message on his 1976 album, Crisus Time. The growth and maintenance of dreads is an integral part of Rastafarianism, you see. You mess with I man locks at your peril.
Unfortunately for Zimbabwean Rastas Jack Maseko and Mutsa Madonko, peril is exactly what they faced in South Africa recently. There, I-Roy's admonition seems to have fallen on deaf ears because the crime of "hair jacking" is becoming all-too common: Maseko and Mutsa were both mugged for their dreads, which were lopped off by scissor-wielding thieves. There have been other cases in which broken bottles have been used instead. Imagine if it caught on here and students at Glasgow School of Art fell victim to an outbreak of quiffnapping? Nightmare.
The reason is a growing black market in which shoulder-length dreadlocks sell for around £15 and longer ones for 10 times that. It's got to the point where South Africans with dreads are either staying in at night or covering up – easier said than done if you have a good set hidden beneath your multicoloured Rasta bunnet. "Those aren't dreads, those are my messages" isn't going to deter a determined hair-jacker, not unless you can pull a pan loaf and a tin of spaghetti hoops out from under your hat to back up the claim.
I suppose you could purchase a set of stolen dreads, pay to have them attached at one of South Africa's streetside salons, then have them pinched off you again the same day.
Speaking as someone who's always fancied a head full of dreads but never had hair thick or long enough to grow them, I admit I'm fascinated by this story. Of course if you're prepared to pay, a wig made from human hair is top of the range and the same goes for hair extensions. But can you buy real, off-the-peg dreads? Yes, and it doesn't take long on eBay before I find a set.
The seller is in Brighton (where else?), the dreads are 20 inches long and the starting price is £45. There are around 40 and they've been washed regularly in special dread-friendly tea tree shampoo and "crocheted" weekly, whatever that means. "I had them from 2007 to February 2013," the seller writes, "and they were my pride and joy." One careful owner, in other words.
Bidding closes tomorrow, if you're interested. I must say I am. The dreads aren't stolen and they never belonged to Mick Hucknall, so what could possibly go wrong?
barry.didcock@heraldandtimes.co.uk
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