We should not be celebrating the death of Margaret Thatcher.
We should be mourning her life. But Mrs T is all over the rest of this newspaper and is not our topic for today. No references to the lady not turning in her grave.
Let us look instead to Scotland's political future not the past. In particular, how are we to survive the 527 days until September 18 next year when the talking stops and we vote on independence? Actually, I would like most of the talking to stop now.
Will Scotland be oil rich? Will we be a poverty-stricken third world country? More important, will we ever get a break from the daily diet of Yes or No claim and counter-claim?
Yes we can if a law is passed that independence can only be discussed one day a week. Obviously not a Monday, too dismal. Or a Friday when thoughts are on the weekend.
The referendum debate should be on Tuesdays. But only until noon like on April Fool's Day. There should be severe penalties for those who break the embargo. The Tuesday-only restriction would be lifted, in the interest of democracy, for an entire week before polling day.
We need to control not just the quantity of the debate but also the quality. Before politicians, academics, economists, actors, footballers, journalists, or people with a skean dhu are allowed to pontificate, their contributions should be subject to scrutiny.
For this I propose an International Verification Agency which will inspect any argument or opinion before it is allowed out of a Tuesday morning. All statements about North Sea oil would be examined by canny Norwegians. Any speculation about Scotland's potential status in or out of the European Union will be referred to the Germans who will be running the place.
Concerns over the euro or sterling as a stable currency will be remitted to a committee of Irish, Greek, Spanish and Cypriot bankers who will advise on where not to go.
Experts from the Czech Republic and Slovakia will suggest how countries can go through a civilised divorce. There will be contributions from Serbs, Croats and Bosnians on how it can go wrong.
On other key issues, Italians will be consulted on making lunch, the French on making love and the Swiss on not making war.
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