A READER in Glasgow's south side was collecting a parcel at the Royal Mail depot when the chap in front of him showed his passport as proof of identity.
The young assistant who looked at it announced: "This is out of date."
"But I'm not," replied the chap with irrefutable logic – and got his parcel.
Road to hell
OUR mention of the 10th anniversary of Celtic's cup final in Seville reminds journalist Paul Drury: "I was interviewing fans, and spoke to one who had travelled by bus all the way from Glasgow, through Scotland, England, all of France and all of Spain.
"I may have winced slightly as I asked him about going such a distance by bus and he replied, 'Naw, naw, it wiz fine – until the bogs got blocked at Bordeaux.'"
Chalk and cheese
JIMMY Wray, the colourful Gorbals lad who became a Labour MP in Glasgow's east end, has died at the age of 78.
When he was in the Commons he was paired – the system whereby opponents can both be absent at the same time – with Tory grandee Michael Heseltine.
Jimmy said at the time: "We're well matched. Heseltine is one of the 200 richest men in Britain, and I'm one of the 200 poorest.''
Safe landing
INCIDENTALLY, Jimmy always had connections to source all sorts of things.
He once arrived at Labour's annual conference in Blackpool with a safe in the back of his 4x4.
He had promised to get one for a fellow MP who wanted a secure place for sensitive documents.
The only snag was it was too heavy to manhandle from Jimmy's car to his colleague's.
So Jimmy just trotted round to the Blackpool tram depot where he talked them into lending him a forklift truck to carry out the safe shifting.
Early release
OH what a wag. A chap in a Glasgow bar at the weekend announced his wife had got a job with the Parole Board.
When his pals expressed surprise at the announcement, he added: "She was a natural for it as she never lets anyone finish a sentence."
It's a fix
OUR story about legendary wrestler Mick McManus, who died last week, reminds Jim Evans: "His old enemy Jackie Pallo once said, 'It was an insult to suggest some of the bouts were fixed – they all were.'"
It all adds up
ANOTHER readers fears for the younger generation when he hears a young girl on the bus he was on going into Glasgow making arrangements to meet a friend.
What concerned him was when she replied: "Thirty minutes? That's nearly half an hour."
What a scream
LOOKING forward to your summer holidays?
A reader suggests a fun way to spend the time on your holiday plane.
"Find out," he tells us, "how loud your partner can scream by waking them up on the flight while wearing your life jacket and oxygen mask."
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