OUR story about the awkward conversations men have at urinals reminds a reader of Ian Macpherson, brother of Glasgow songwriter Bill Martin, standing in a loo while the chap further up whistled Eurovision winner Puppet on a String.

Making conversation, Ian remarked: "My brother wrote that."

"Naw he didn't" argued the fellow toilet user. "Well he wrote the words," said Ian, being more specific.

"Well I wiznae whistling the words," replied the chap.

Route and branch change

CONFUSING times on Glasgow's south side as the Southside Festival, which was an outdoor event at Queen's Park, has been cancelled this year, but the Southside Fringe, with arty events throughout the area, is still going ahead from Friday. We remember when comedian Bruce Morton launched his show, The Greater Shawlands Republic, calling for independence for the south side which would include the banning of all First buses in the area.

Argued Bruce: "The area is crying out for change, and as you know that's the one thing you don't get from First buses."

Sunday Herald coins it in

THE Sunday Herald caused a bit of a stir with its support for independence, and now it seems Sunday's paper, with the Alasdair Gray thistle on the front, is becoming a bit of a collector's item. A Raddy1980 - not his real name we suspect - from Cumnock in Ayrshire, is selling his copy on eBay and has so far had 11 bids with the top offer so far being £11. We have to say, though, that Raddy is a bit of an eclectic seller on eBay. He is also offering a pile of 49 10-pence pieces for sale with a reserved price of, yes you've guessed it, £4.90. No takers so far.

Labelling the point

THE May Day celebrations in Glasgow ended with a cabaret in Oran Mor on Monday night as the organisers wanted the workers' celebrations to expand from just being an annual march and rally. The main turn at the cabaret was subversive comic Mark Thomas who handed out sticky round labels such as you see on books. Thomas's versions read either "Also Available in Charity Shops" or "Staff Recommendation: Keep the Receipt". He suggested folk surreptitiously put them on books by Tony Blair and Jeremy Clarkson when they are in a book shop.

Outfit with a silver lining

MANY will sympathise with stand-up Eleanor Morton at the Oran Mor show who mused: "Have you ever come home from a day out where you did not meet a single friend, not even a work colleague or even a neighbour, and you sat there thinking to yourself … I can wear this outfit again tomorrow?"

Pie from the sky

PARTICK Thistle are still fighting to avoid relegation from the Scottish Premier League, but the club has decided to take its fans' minds off this by announcing that its Twitter account remark during Saturday's game that there was "chaos on the pitch as a seagull drops a pie on the halfway line" was re-tweeted over 800 times, such was the interest in it.

Now some fans have contacted Thistle to say they think it was a roll and not a pie, so the club wants fans to vote on which they thought it was. One fan even tweeted the Dalai Lama asking for his views, but so far has not received a reply.

Surely that wasn't the most exciting moment from Saturday's game?

Club's number is up

POOR old Liverpool. A reader calls us to say a special helpline has been set up for fans upset by the result against Crystal Palace which ruined their title hopes. The number is 0800 30313233.