NEWS that Hamilton Accies boss Alex Neil could soon be boss of English club Norwich reminds us of sports promotion company boss Alan Ferguson meeting a chap he had met before, at a reception, but couldn't place his name. After talking for a while the chap said to Alan: "You don't remember me do you? Douglas Park." "Sorry Douglas," replied Alan. "It's just that I meet so many people."
"No," replied the chap a tad impatiently. "I met you at Douglas Park, Hamilton Accies' ground."
OUR tales of public singing remind Russell Smith in Kilbirnie: "In Moss Street in Paisley I stopped behind a parked car to give way to an oncoming motorist and was aggrieved to see him mouthing something at me as he passed before stopping a few yards further on. I reversed, rolled down the window, and asked him what his problem was as I had allowed him right of way.
Rather startled he told me he was just singing along to the car radio."
A FINAL Hogmanay story as a reader tells us about getting a train home that evening when a little girl with her dad watched a chap being a bit unsteady on his feet, and she asked her dad what was wrong with him. "He's probably had too many beers," said her dad, but the little girl replied: "Rachel's daddy likes beer." So her dad explained: "Yes, but if you have too many it can make you fall over."
"Should we tell Rachel's daddy?" said the girl. "Oh he probably knows," replied her dad.
SOME winds blowing across Scotland last night. Orkney Council even cancelled all schools today because of forecasts of hurricane winds. Or as Orkney Library cheekily announced: "Horrendous weather forecast, so been instructed to put Battenberg on the Thatchers. Not sure what good that will do."
It added a few minutes later: "Seems the wind noise caused an embarrassing mishearing incident. We have now removed the marzipan-clad baked goods from former Prime Minister's biography."
SEEMS there is another Celebrity Big Brother series just started on the telly, with presenter Keith Chegwin favourite to win. Keith regularly puts jokes on his Twitter account, and followers are divided into those who laugh at them and those who just groan after reading them. So his last one before going into Big Brother exile was: "My mate Sid's been a victim of ID theft - he's now called 'S'." Groan or laugh, what do you think?
Or you might prefer two recent examples: "My neighbour keeps racing pigeons...but they always win" or "Walked into HMV. Assistant said, 'Good morning'. I said 'You too' He said, 'Second aisle on the left'."
TERRIBLE events in Paris of course. But the defence of freedom of speech is a complex issue. As Glasgow stand-up Frankie Boyle commented yesterday: "I'm reading a defence of free speech in a paper that tried to have me arrested and charged with obscenity for making a joke about the Queen."
SOOTHING television, that Michael Portillo hopping off and on trains then reading extracts from an old travel guide. But as a Glasgow reader opined after the latest episode of Great British Railway Journeys which featured Greenock to Larkhall: "That referendum must have scared the BBC if they are trying to be nice to Scots all of a sudden. Greenock to Larkhall? I've travelled to both by train, and leaving the carriages with all limbs intact is a positive - but great journeys? I think not."
WE have heard many an excuse for going into a pub. Indeed have used quite a few of them over the years. However we like the positive attitude of Briony, who writes the Glasgow Food blog, who cheerily announced yesterday afternoon: "Got followed by a dubious guy down Duke Street - so made a beeline for the pub. May as well have more food!"
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