FIRST Minister Nicola Sturgeon was having fun with Prime Minister Theresa May stating that legislation she was introducing "marks the first stage in the UK becoming a sovereign and independent country again." Said Nicola: "These pesky nationalists, eh? Obsessed with independence."

WE spot a young woman in Buchanan Street who is wearing striped trousers which make her look like a pirate. We say nothing as we are reminded of Glasgow author Deedee Cuddihy's book The Wee Guide to Scottish Women in which she says she was sporting a pair of brand-new sailor-style trousers in Argyle Street when she passed some young girls who remarked: "Shiver me timbers". Says Deedee: "I consigned the trendy trews to the back of the wardrobe after that, never to be worn again."

A RETIRED police officer swears to us that a woman once phoned the police office to report her cat was missing. The officer who took the call tried to tell her they could nothing at all about a missing cat, but she insisted: "But he's very intelligent. Almost human. He can almost speak to me."

"Well you'd better hang up," the officer told her, "Just in case he's trying to call you right now."

BRINGING up children, continued. A reader confesses to us: "Based on the things my children will and won't eat, my cooking is apparently worse than a Polo Mint found on the floor with dog hair on it."

ALASTAIR McKenzie in Bearsden reads a news story about the rising number of people living to 100 in the country and muses: "A spokesman for Age Scotland said, 'The rise in the number of centenarians is once again an unexpected consequence of the fact that we are all living longer'. Really? I would have thought that this was a very expected consequence."

WE wondered about Trump and Clinton's names being combined so that they would be referred to as 'Clump'. Readers contact us to say that surely it would in fact be 'Trumpton'.

THE news of the departure of the England football manager continues to make the sports pages. Says reader John Henderson: "Big Sam Allardyce to replace Mark Warburton at Rangers, that's what I'm saying. Are the EBTs still in play at Ibrox?"

TODAY'S piece of whimsy comes from Gary Delaney who says: "Young bird spotters often misidentify crows. It's a rookie mistake."

OH dear, here comes a colleague, who announces: "I'm giving gates away for free." I try to look interested. "There's no catch," he adds.