Driven demented

A SOUTH side reader who returned from a shopping trip to Silverburn tells us: "I didn't know who to feel more sorry for - myself for not being able to remember where I parked my car, or the driver slowly following me through the car park hoping to get my space."

In the soup

GOOD news! The small town of Glasgow, Kentucky, is no longer a dry area, which always perplexed curious Scottish visitors who had gone out of their way to visit it and hoped to have a drink. Roy Gullane from the Tannahill Wavers who have just performed at the Glasgow Highland Games in Kentucky tells us: "They repealed the law a couple of years back, thankfully." Added Roy: "I was five minutes on the site when I saw an elderly gentleman, in full tartan regalia, step out of his car to be greeted by the oohs and aahs of two ladies of similar age. 'What clan are you?'" they enquired. 'Chicken noodle' was his response. A few moments after he strode proudly away it dawned on one of the old dears what he meant. 'He's one of the Campbells' she informed her companion."

Took a pounding

MANY parents will have sympathy for broadcaster Anneka Rice who explained: "Messaged my son, ''Dear Son, I transferred £80 to you in a sunny weekendy moment of love, except you’ll have realised by now my thumb juddered and I sent £800. This is not what I meant to do. Obviously. Please get in touch.’ No reply so far."


TODAY'S piece of daftness comes from a Lenzie reader who says: "Took the family up to Aberfoyle at the weekend. Son staring out the window at the fields suddenly announces, 'Didn't realise so many sheep were into paint-balling'."

Team effort

FOOTBALL news this week is England beating Nigeria 2-1 in a pre-World Cup friendly. A reader phones to tell us: "The Nigerian team were so disappointed with their performance that they have agreed to personally refund all expenses of their fans who travelled to support them. All they need to do is give their bank details, sort codes and PIN numbers and they will transfer the money."

Taking a pulse

LOTS of folk using the Uber app in Glasgow to summon cabs. But it does have the occasional drawback. A reader in the city centre at the weekend heard a young woman who was staring at her phone ask her pal: "A Nissan Pulsar Accenta? Who the heck knows what that looks like?"

Tissue of lies

BRITAIN'S Got Talent final at the weekend when singer/comedian Robert White, who has Asperger's, came second. The Sun newspaper tried to stir some controversy by claiming that Robert ignored judge David Walliams who wanted to give him a hug and that David was put out by Robert's refusal. We liked Robert's response on social media where he declared: "Hi The Sun, thanks for the nice things you said, but I didn't snub David Walliams - I just didn't notice, and I would have loved a hug. You know social awareness and autism and that stuff. No hard feelings though, I love your paper! It's so absorbent and flushes really well."

Shut eye

GROWING old, continued. Says Mark: "When you reach 50, there’s really no point starting a film after 8pm."

Clucking disapproval

FORMER Labour spindoctor Alastair Campbell was phoned on air on a radio programme by his daughter who give him into trouble for calling women "birds". It reminds reader Sybil Wallace: "A small child from the south was visiting Granny in Aberdeen. On boarding a bus, a voice shouted, 'Come on hen, hurry up!' 'I'm not a hen, I'm a girl!', she retorted indignantly."