Zip it

SAD to hear of the death of Geoffrey Hayes, host of children's TV show, Rainbow, who had an unusual connection to Scottish football. He once said in an interview that when he lived in Dundee in the sixties he would go and watch Dundee United, so when the puppets for Rainbow were being created he suggested Zippy should be tangerine and not blue as originally suggested.

United fans were so taken with the story that when the BBC ran a poll to find Britain's favourite celebrity football supporter, they got busy and ensured that Zippy won the contest ahead of Sheffield United's Sean Bean and Watford's Elton John. Mind you, even zip-mouthed Zippy would remain tight-lipped if you asked him how he thought United were doing these days.

Sing it

THE other sad news was the death of French crooner Charles Aznavour at the age of 94. Glasgow accountant-turned-comedian Arnold Brown told the story that when he was asked for confirmation of his identity in a branch of his bank, he told the cashier to phone his home branch. She did so, being informed that the account-holder in question looked like Charles Aznavour. Said Arnold: "So I started singing and convinced them I was Arnold Brown."

Bit of a dubh

GLASGOW stand-up Frankie Boyle was discussing Scottish culture this week and commented: "One thing Scottish culture has right is that you should put a knife in your sock if you’re going to a wedding."

Barking mad

A JORDANHILL reader tells us her young daughter rushed up to tell her: "Just for fun I barked at our dog mummy and he looked really surprised. I'm worried that maybe I said something really nasty to him in doggy language."

Timely response

A READER heard a young woman on his train into Glasgow tell her pals: "I'm always on time to meet you lot when we go out. The trouble is there is never anyone else there to appreciate it."


WE asked for acts for Theresa May's proposed post-Brexit festival of Britain. Broadcaster Tam Cowan tells us: "A post Brexit music festival? Surely it would be called Pover-T-in-the-Park."

Just tosh

WE don't want to get into an argument about the validity of religions, but Neil Macvicar noted that Prayer for the Day on Radio 4 this week was presented by the Reverend Tosh.

Sinking feeling

TODAY'S piece of whimsy comes from John Lurie who says: "When I was 5 years old, I thought that people in the Government were smart and fair minded. I also thought that quicksand would be a regular problem in my adult life."

Buzz off

A COLLEAGUE feels the need to come over and tell us: "Fly tipping is so wrong – unless they have given excellent service."