Legging it

THE Herald reported that Barra Airport in the Outer Hebrides was among the world's scariest landings according to travel guide Wanderlust, because it was the only place with scheduled beach landings. A reader tells us: "Years ago the aircraft used on the Glasgow to Barra route were de Havilland Dragon Rapides with the now unfamiliar landing approach of front wheels first then small back wheel down. A senior pilot was giving instructions to a first timer who asked how he could tell if the beach was sufficiently clear of water to land. 'Simple', explained the instructor, 'watch for seagulls as you approach. If you can see their legs you’re fine.

"At the first attempt the young pilot followed the instructions, clearly saw the seagulls' legs from above, landed, and put the nose into the sand. No one had mentioned the sometimes seagulls stand on stones."

No frills

AH the glamour of cruising. Deedee Cuddihy was in Hillhead Library when she heard two women discussing cruising with one opining: "There are lots of things you can do on a cruise. You can play bridge - and wash your underwear in a sink."

Right note

THAT great Scottish folk singer Rab Noakes was playing a gig at Oran Mor last week after getting the all-clear in his latest check-up following tonsillar cancer - he has further dates in Dundee and Motherwell this month - when he said that Herald reviewer Rob Adams had described his playing on the next number as "swashbuckling" which he liked. Rab then added: "It's a funny thing reviews. I actually got one in which the reviewer said about one of my albums, 'It will be miraculous if anyone buys this.' "That will do for me,' I thought, and 'miraculous' appeared on the posters advertising it."


GROWING old continued. former pop singer now minister the Rev Richard Coles declared: "I come out of Sainsbury’s and tut at a badly parked idiot - and then realise it is me."

And reader Scott Barclay says: "At the restaurant my wife bluntly announced, 'I am going to get plastered tonight'. On asking for clarification her response was twofold - she was actually going to get pasta, and apparently I have to make an appointment as soon as possible regarding my hearing."

Hard to swallow

AFTER our beer stories on Saturday, entertainer Andy Cameron recounts: "As the barman puts down a pint of heavy the customer says, 'it’s a bit cloudy son', to which the barman replies, 'whit dae ye want for wan and sixpence, thunder and lightning?’ The price of the beer indicates the age of the gag."

Spring it

GOOD reviews of the latest Glenn Close film The Wife which is on release just now. Parts of it were filmed in Glasgow which is becoming increasingly attractive for film-makers. One of the extras on it tells me: "At the beginning when they arrive at a five-star hotel in Stockholm for the Nobel Prize, the entrance is actually filmed in an industrial estate in Springburn." So not that glamorous then.


A COLLEAGUE comes over to discuss the latest series of the singing competition on the telly, The X Factor. He tells us: "I’m loving The X Factor when it's on. But I should explain, by ‘loving’ I mean 'boiling', and by ‘X Factor’ I mean ‘the kettle’."


TODAY'S piece of daftness comes from comedy writer Sanjeev Kohli who declares: "Singers Elaine Paige and Tina Turner have combined to write a book. I imagine it will be quite compelling."