Howth that?

MORE tales of using Apple's voice-activated assistant Siri. A reader in Milngavie is told by his sister: "Conal was looking for a new fish restaurant which had opened in Howth so asked Siri on his car phone, 'Where’s The Oar House” in Howth?' Siri answered, 'There are no whore houses in Howth'."

Milking it

OCCASIONALLY we are told stories of mistaken identity. Do you ever go along with it when it happens? Comedian Mark Watson said this week: "A man just stopped me in the street with a cheery greeting, 'Jonathan! Hey!' He seemed very sure about it so I went with it."

Fellow comedian Sofie Hagen replied: "I feel like you’re too nice. Like someone could stop you in the street and say, ‘Jonathan, you’re late for the Zumba class’ and ten years later, you’re teaching Zumba at a professional level and your girlfriend will still be wondering when you’ll get back with that milk."

On a plate

AND former Dundee Labour MP James McGovern tells us after our story about David Cameron being mistaken for a plumber: "Years ago my wife Norma and I were on a train from Dundee to London. I had been an MP for seven years by then. At York station who should board but Prime Minister David Cameron. He looked at me with a pretty vague expression of recognition. I said to Norma, 'He'll be saying to his wife, 'I think that chap maybe serves some of the tables in the House dining rooms’."


OUR tale of the worker at Weir's of Cathcart giving out haircuts in company time reminds a former worker there of the amateur barber and tells us that the chap would carry out his hairdressing in one of the company toilets with the customer sitting on the loo. He added: "When a new employee looked under the closet door, concerned as it was always 'engaged', only to view two pairs of shoes facing each other, he reported what he thought was another activity to management."

Legged it

MORE on growing old as a Bearsden reader tells us: "I remember painfully pulling a muscle in my leg a few years ago when I was out for a run. Last night I experienced a similarly painful leg simply by sleeping."

A hit

WAYWARD golf shots continued. Says Bob Jamieson: "I was on the 16th tee at my club when I heard a cry of 'fore'. Next thing I remember was opening my eyes only to see sky above. The rogue ball had knocked me out. A golfer from an adjoining tee was full of apologies.

"A week later I was on the interviewing panel for new members and in walked the gentleman who had hit me. He didn’t think he had much chance of membership, but when we discovered that he was a local magistrate who sat on the licensing committee, we thought it might be a good idea to allow him to join."

Pulling strings

OUR story about Mack the Knife being played as a Scottish tune reminded Bob Byiers: "In a Budapest restaurant a couple of violinists were serenading the diners, playing appropriate tunes for each nationality. On learning we were Scottish they asked for a bit of help and we told them that traditional Scottish music was often played on the fiddle. We were treated to a rendition of If I Were a Rich Man, from Fiddler on the Roof.

Round it off

MODERN life: says Michael Rosen: "I'm eating a round tomato. I know it's round because it came in a packet that said Round Tomatoes. It's things like this that mark the progress of civilisation."