On a roll

AH yes, the Glasgow diet... some folk do try, but the odds are against them. Says reader William Nugent: "I was in Greggs in Duke Street the other day when the girl behind me asked for a vegan sausage roll. She was advised that the Duke Street shop was not as yet receiving delivery of vegan sausage rolls, to which she replied, 'Ok then, just give me a Scotch pie'."

A cracker

SOME nostalgists will be excited by this - the BBC is bringing back the children's show Crackerjack next year, including the classic quiz where kids are handed cabbages until they drop them, and of course Crackerjack pencils. It reminds us of when our old chum Gordon Jackson was a Labour MSP but still continued his day job of defending felons in the High Court. It earned him the sobriquet "Crackerjack" from opposition MSPs as they claimed he always turned up at the parliament at five to five every day for the five o' clock vote - the time of course when Crackerjack was originally aired.

Suits you

GROWING old, continued. Moira Campbell tells us her late dad sometimes had difficulty, as we all do, of remembering people's names as he got older. Once struggling to put a name to a face he memorably told a woman he met that he recognised the suitcase but seemed to have lost the label.

Cut above

WE mentioned former radio boss Jeff Zycinski's book The Red Light Zone. A reader tells us that Jeff was asked at one bookstore signing why he had left the BBC. Jeff explained that while there were indeed "BBC lifers" - people who claim that, if you cut them open, much like lettered rock, it would say BBC all the way through - he was not one of them, and added: "Maybe if you cut me open it might say ‘radio’ but not BBC.”

At that point, Jeff’s daughter, a qualified radiographer, who was with him interrupted to say that for the sake of scientific accuracy, if you were to cut her dad open "all you would see is fat and gristle”.

Flight of fancy

SOMEONE decided that yesterday was UK Pun Day apparently. A reader emails: "I used to date an air stewardess from Helsinki. I dropped her off at work one day and she just vanished into Finnair."

Takes the biscuit

THE dynamics of married life - a Bearsden reader swears to us he was round at a friend's home for coffee when the husband, proffering him something to eat, told him: "My wife hides the biscuits from me so she can put them out when guests come over, in case you were wondering why I invited you here today."

Class act

OUR tales of headteachers remind Christine McLachlan: "In my early days in teaching our headmaster always referred to married women as Mistress So-&-So. One day in the staffroom there was much hilarity when one teacher mentioned that the head had popped in to her classroom earlier in the day. On his departure a child asked, 'Please, Miss, are all the married teachers mistress to the headteacher?'"

Binned it

A READER emails with the question: “Before we had to pay for our plastic bags I used them to line the kitchen bin. So now I have to buy plastic bin liner bags. How’s that saving the planet?”