Punctuation punk’d
A RECENT Herald article about the apostrophe society closing down because ‘ignorance has won’ saddened reader Donna Munro. “Its the most depressing thing Ive read in a long time,” she says, adding: “Its clear that todays youngsters arent getting teached English proper, unlike me whos very nice at it.”
Present (not) perfect
OUR story about unwanted Christmas presents reminds Mark Christie of the worst prezzie he ever unwrapped. “I’d only been seeing this girl seven months,” he tells us. “But she still thought it was a good idea to give me a jumper she’d knitted with my face and her face on the front.” Mark adds: “What makes it worse was she was a slow knitter, so I’m guessing she started it a few days after our first date.”
On the make(s)
THE most fevered debate of the decade returns with a vengeance. Ron Beaton tells us that in Dundee when wedding guests tossed coins to loitering kids it wasn’t known as a scatter or a scramble.
“The word we used was 'makes',” Ron reveals. Apparently uttering this magical word resulted in bairns from miles away suddenly materialising to form a ring of steel round the wedding car to ensure the entire coin-dispersal area was covered.
“Not a pleasant sight for the bride,” says Ron. “Watching toughened kids pushing, kicking and even biting to gather as many coins as they could.” He adds with a sigh: “The parents were just as bad.”
Meat me later?
DRINKING at his local boozer and on a quest to find a new girlfriend, reader Stewart Courtney got chatting to a gal who explained that she was passionate about animal rights. When Stewart told her he worked with animals she was impressed. So is Stewart now dating this admirable activist? Sadly not. “Before things went further, I thought it best to explain that I was a butcher,” says Stewart. “With my background in meat, I shouldn’t have been surprised when she gave me the chop.”
Political confusion
On the wall of a popular hostelry opposite Glasgow City Chambers reader Brian Harvey spotted photographs of two early 20th century Prime Ministers, Henry Campbell-Bannerman and Andrew Bonar Law. Whoever hung the portraits must have been in a state of befuddlement, perhaps caused by being too close to the bar and its selection of liquid refreshments.
Bonar Law has been labelled Campbell-Bannerman, while Campbell-Bannerman has been labelled Bonar Law. Such a mix-up could not happen with today’s politicians, of course. Although if anyone is confused, we are happy to clarify that Jeremy Corbyn is the scruffy one with a beard, while Boris Johnson is the scruffy one without.
Ringing in changes
BIG Ben was silenced for repairs in 2017 and won’t be ready to ring until 2021. “That’s a long time, considering they’re working around the clock,” points out reader Tony Smith.
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