ONCE loo rolls were a familiar sight and you were certain to encounter several of them in a day, either on your trips to the workplace, the shops or your own home. These soft creatures prefer the sheltered spaces of shelves and cupboards, often in secluded spots like bathrooms. Hardier specimens settle in outdoor facilities such as campsites and carparks. Others like to mingle with the crowds and can be found in all sorts of venues from concert halls to museums.
Sadly, these faithful companions of our daily lives are now on the brink of extinction. Loo roll hunt has become a common sport and again it's human greed which robs us of their presence. Where there was once abundance, there is now eerie emptiness.
What's left are fond memories. Thankfully, the loo roll has been immortalised in much celebrated movies like
Gone with the Loo Roll; Snow White and the Seven Loo Rolls; The Sound of Loo Rolls; The Thirty-Nine Loo Rolls; Seven Brides for Seven Loo Rolls; Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Loo Rolls (But Were Afraid to Ask); The Remains of the Loo Roll; The Invisible Loo Roll, and
Loo Rolls Galore!
The loo roll will be remembered by generations to come. Yet if the few surviving loo rolls are granted protection and a ban on loo roll hunting is imposed, their number might grow again over time. That moment would merit the remake of another blockbuster: The Return of the Loo Roll.
Regina Erich, Stonehaven.
All change for football
NEIL Cameron's detailed incisive probe into the future pitfalls facing Scottish football ("Pandemic pandemonium? Here’s how we save SPFL...", Herald Sport, March 26) unfortunately concludes with a somewhat contradictory forecast: "I have a hunch that when things get back to normal, and they will, the Scottish football scene will look very different". So true, but normality (as formerly) will no longer apply.
Doubtless a new blueprint will be on offer by way of reconfigured league structures. Enforced wage reductions will result in considerable change in playing personnel. Based on the Government's current close-down forecasts resumption of business is at least four months distant.
The 2019/2020 season is over … the 2020/2021 season will possibly be delayed but hopefully commence ASAP after our nation is rid of the current pestilence.
Allan C Steele, Giffnock.
The Victor comic
RECENT mentions of the great comedian Victor Borge (Herald Diary, March 25 & 26) reminded me of when he appeared in the Odeon, Glasgow back in the 1960s. The show was not well attended, with the first dozen rows in the stalls empty, being the most expensive seats.
One hapless punter who appeared after the show had started looking for his seat was immediately targeted by Mr Borge, who invited him not to take a seat but "take a row" in itself bringing out gusts of laughter.
Ken Doran, Glasgow G13.
Right on message
MY wife and I are regular readers of The Herald and we would like to express our thanks for the daily Scripture Text which you publish. They have been especially well chosen in recent days and greatly appreciated. Many thanks.
Robert McAdam, Troon.
Her indoors
ONLY a few days into lockdown: no golf, no curling, Rotary meeting cancelled, and no shopping, but it could be worse.
I’ve already met a charming woman – in my living room. It turns out she’s my wife.
R Russell Smith, Kilbirnie.
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