I THOUGHT it would be a simple task to have my state pension paid into a different bank account. The first hurdle was who and where do I write to? HMRC? The Pension Service? Neither had taken the trouble to include a return address in previous correspondence. In my naivety I thought I would phone up, quote my National Insurance number and name and address and they would send out a form. Too simple.

Google tells me I’m supposed to get registered for a Gateway Account for which I’ll need a password; a recovery word; a 12-digit user ID and an email address.

When I learned to write it was on a slate with a piece of chalk. I was in Primary 3 before being allowed to dip a pen in the inkwell. Needless to say, my attempts at registering for access to my hard-earned ended in blasphemous curses and tears of frustration.

My next instalment of state largesse is due on June 6. I wrote to Pension Service 3 in Wolverhampton on May 14 and to HM Revenue and Customs, Newcastle on May 20 a have little hope of a response from either department. I thought I would write to my MP to complain. I looked for his address online and, guess what – he wants me to fill in another electronic form.

I don’t really know why all the rules for self-isolation are required. When you’re over 70 the Government ensures you’re as lonely as you’ll ever want to be.

Duncan Graham, Stirling.

Rules of the game

FOOTBALLER Richard Foster’s critical comments regarding his former employer’s unwillingness to extend contracts solely for furlough payment purposes ("Foster slams chairman as County release 10 kids", Herald Sport", May 26) strike me as naive in the extreme.

When I sign an 18-month employment contract with a business I appreciate that I will be well paid throughout that period and that I should use this time to build funds to cover the inevitable post contract period. At no point would I believe that the taxpayer should subsidise me to the extent of £2,500 gross per month when the contract ends and my services are no longer required.

Being a contractor carries a degree of risk that is often offset by the potential rewards. Professional footballers are in no way an exception and must learn to accept the rules of the contracting game.

Kenny Gow, Lochwinnoch.

Classic mistake

MEMO to Stuart Waiton ("A free society is anathema to Scottish politicians", The Herald, May 26): primes inter pares may be Greek to you, but Latinists think otherwise.

Ken Anderson, Dundee DD5.

Myth-bursting

IN sharing her thoughts on "spending a penny" Catriona Stewart has shattered my long-held admiration for the fortitude of

the female well-disciplined bladder ("o where do we go when we need to . . . go?", The Herald, May 26 ).

Until her revelations I had marvelled at the ability of the supposedly weaker sex to endure hours without toilet breaks when shopping and on long journeys; but perhaps the hidden difficulties disclosed now explain the mystery of my dear wife's failure to laugh at my witticisms during excursions.

As a practised exponent of al fresco relief, in modest and best possible taste of course, I venture one important tip: always stand with your back to the wind.

R Russell Smith, Kilbirnie.