Only someone with absolutely no self awareness would fly from London to Cornwall to discuss reducing your carbon footprint.

Who needs a train or a bus when you can fly like a big man and stand on the top steps in a badly fitting suit and wave at the world?

Boris on the Beach was all over the news last week, and as the G7 summit wrapped up in Cornwall we were served up many lovely images of Boris, babies, Biden’s and beaches all in their Cornish stunning glory.

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The upside was watching the Biden family meet the Queen, who looked a whole lot more at ease than she did with his predecessor Trump. Mind you watching The Queen lift a giant ceremonial sword to a fancy celebration cake has been my highlight this week. I admire her sass.

The Prime Minister left-footed himself trying hard to undermine the issue of Northern Ireland in the post-Brexit debacle. He’s trying to convince everyone that this is a tiny problem that can be ridden over by a sing-song and night out, and it just won’t.

Boris sat in a meeting repeating the mantra that he would do “whatever it takes” to protect the integrity of the UK and, knowing Boris and his previous penchant for stamping over legal issues, we all collectively held our breath. What will he do now? Just declare a sausage war with Europe?

HeraldScotland: Dominic Cummings

When faced with the question if he believed a trade war was coming round the bend faster than a big bus, Boris replied: “I think it’s highly unlikely, but if I may say so, I’ve talked to some of my friends here today who seem to forget that the UK is a single country and a single territory” this said beneath a Union flag which includes other country’s flags. That’s Boris for you.

Sources in Boris’s backroom boys club (that no longer includes Cummings, so at least he can’t get the blame for this baloney) doubled down on his clumsy statement claiming President Macron had told the PM that Great Britain and Northern Ireland were ‘not the same country’, this upset Dominic Raab who said that was offensive. Really?

Meanwhile, I await Boris’s commiserations on his country getting beaten by the Czech team, its hard when your nation can’t win a game, I look forward to Macron watching Boris’s reaction when Scotland play England in his one nation, one country situation.

Hence a wee mini diplomatic row then rattled through the Cornish cream tea service and ended with Macron getting annoyed and explaining that the two sides need to stop blathering on about sausages and sea borders and tackle the bigger global issues. After all that’s why he flew from London to Cornwall.

The bottom line is that the Brexit deal injected a sour taste to the G7 summit and Boris realised that when you turn your back on Europe, they will have a party and a conversation without you and laugh as you splash about on the beach sitting making sandcastles on your own.

Boris has been married, marred and messed about in the last four weeks and if things couldn’t get any worse, he was pinned down by journalist Robert Peston and asked if he was a “Practising Roman Catholic”.

Like some ‘high heid yin’ in the office of the Glasgow shipyards post war, or some football manager from Govan in the 60s he was basically asked ‘Whit feet do you kick with?” live on telly. You could feel and hear the collective clutching of buttocks all the way from Cornwall.

Mr Johnson, who was recently married in the Catholic church avoided the question of his faith and I for one actually agree with him. Declaring your branch of Christianity is a loaded question in many sections of West of Scotland society, why do we need to know if he has abandoned Anglicism, is it really the done thing in these enlightened times to explain your faith if you lead a country? Is that actually a law and if so should it still be?

The thrice married Prime Minister explained “I don’t discuss these deep issues, certainly not with you”.

So that was Peston ‘telt’ as we say in Glasgow, mind your own business and let me get on with my sausage war Mr Nosy Parker.

Religion and politics were the two things we demanded people didn’t discuss when I ran a pub back in the 80s, it only leads to anger and sometimes violence. Peston retaliated by releasing a thread of tweets explaining his right to question the faith of a prime minister. He would never have got a job as a pot man in my bar and anyhow Boris managed to quote the bible to explain his relationship with God, but this time he didn’t do it in Latin, which might have been a wise move.

Things have gone from bad to worse at Number 10, why on earth Boris would promise the nation (just his part of the Nation -England, but don’t tell Macron or he’ll start that up again) that June 21st will be the big unlocking day, when it now won’t happen.

Senior ministers have signed off on the decision to delay the lifting of all legal restrictions, many scientists have called for the delay to enable more vaccinations and more people to get their second dose. This seems sensible.

Making repeated promises that you cannot fulfil is the sign of bad leadership and now he will face the wrath of the millions of people who had been looking forward to getting out for the June sunshine, and create chaos with all the theatres, live events, hospitality and wedding plans across England.

The ‘Freedom Day' has been moved to July, with all things being equal and for the love of the wee donkey, could Boris please take a script with him for press briefings. Watching him stumble and mumble his way through these important updates is like watching a bad open mic spot kill a comedy room.

Who knows maybe next week will be better?