A DIARY tale about a sausage dog reminds Cameron Owen of the occasion when a neighbour brought his four-year-old son to Cameron’s house so the little fellow could pet a saveloy-shaped pooch owned by our reader.

The youngster was not impressed: “Daddy,” he harrumphed, “you said I was going to see a sausage dog!”

“But it is a sausage dog,” his father patiently explained.

“It looks nothing like a sausage!” snarled the youngster, who demanded to be taken home.

The mystery was later explained when Cameron’s neighbour phoned to say that the only sausage his son had ever been confronted by was the square variety, often found lurking in a Scottish breakfast.

“So you see,” added the neighbour, “he was devastated when he discovered your dog wasn’t shaped like a flattened-out brick.”

Market moan

THE Christmas market at St Enoch Square, Glasgow, has opened. The Diary is thrilled, though perhaps not as thrilled as we should be. For we keep recalling a comment made about a previous Christmas market in that location, which one judgmental visitor described rather memorably as: “Paddy’s Market with tinsel.”

Half and half

VISITING a Glasgow hostelry, reader Ron Bentley overheard two chaps chatting at the bar. Said one to the other: “I hope my missus never forces me to go on holiday to Blackpool again. The trams on the promenade give me the boke.”

“Wit’s wrang wi’ trams?” enquired his drinking buddy.

“They’re half train, half bus,” shuddered the first chap. “It’s like a mermaid or somethin’. Jist nae natural.”

Political propulsion

CRESTFALLEN Gordon Fisher, from Stewarton, is struggling with the knowledge that the dulcet Scottish tones of Andrew Marr will no longer be heard on the eponymous political show he presented for many years, as he has now quit.

On a more optimistic note, Gordon suggests Graham Norton should replace Marr.

Norton is famous for the specially adapted red chair that appears in a recurring comedy sketch on his own chat show.

Our reader suggests this equipment could also be used as the seating arrangement for incalcitrant politicians who refuse to answer direct questions on the revamped version of The Andrew Marr Show.

It is, of course, an ejector chair.

Talking balls

A SPORTING thought from reader Jim Hamilton, who says: “Golf is an inspirational game because no matter how badly you play, it’s always possible to play worse.”

Watch the birdy

A HEARTFELT plea from reader John Mulholland: “This Christmas be kind to your turkey… it’s bound to have trussed issues.”