AS a long-time connoisseur of festive romcoms, I have a fairly high tolerance for soppy, sentimental and saccharine-sweet movie fare – the celluloid equivalent of being able to eat a giant Toblerone in one sitting without breaking a sweat.
The Scottish-set romp A Castle For Christmas, newly released on Netflix, has already stoked some strong reactions. It stars Brooke Shields of The Blue Lagoon fame (the 1980 film, not the chippy), alongside Cary Elwes, known for his roles in The Princess Bride and Robin Hood: Men in Tights.
Shields plays Sophie Brown, a bestselling New York author who hotfoots it to Scotland to escape the controversy over her latest novel, with Elwes as the grumpy-yet-twinkly-eyed owner of crumbling Dun Dunbar Castle. How does it rate? Here's some crib notes I jotted down.
Movie tropes
No sooner has our leading lady arrived off the plane, than she does that trite thing of being unable to understand local accents (even though her late father and grandfather were Scottish). To her credit, Sophie soon picks up the lingo – not least the phrase "dobber".
Geography woes
Off she sets from Edinburgh Airport in a cab with a jaunty "Highland Taxis" livery. It's not too far to go – A Castle For Christmas was filmed largely at Dalmeny House near South Queensferry.
Wait, is that Loch Fyne I spy? Inveraray Castle? Either the taxi driver is taking her "the long route" or this is an homage to the Christmas Irn-Bru advert where The Snowman enjoys a whistle-stop tour around Scottish landmarks.
Finally, Sophie's taxi trundles into Dunbar. Hang on. Did that sign say, "Welcome to Dunbar: Population 153"? *Quickly Googles* Erm, Dunbar has a population of 9,030.
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It's not Dunbar. That looks like Culross in Fife. The jig is up. Millions of eagle-eyed Outlander fans will recognise that backdrop in a jiffy. I'm not entirely certain where the fictional Dun Dunbar Castle is supposed to be, although Aberdeenshire was mentioned at one stage.
Accent howlers
Cary Elwes, who I am rather fond of as an actor, plays Myles, Duke of Dunbar. Can he pull off the Scottish accent? Almost. Hmm. Eeek.
In the grand scheme of questionable on-screen Scottish accents, it is not on the same level of cringe as Mel Gibson in Braveheart or Christopher Lambert in Highlander. Nor is it as dubious as Sean Connery's Spanish/Egyptian accent in Highlander either.
Is this really a romcom?
OK, hear me out. The director of A Castle For Christmas is Mary Lambert. The same Mary Lambert who directed the original 1989 version of Pet Sematary, as well as music videos, TV episodes and feature films, mainly in the horror genre. Perhaps it is meant to be slightly, err, unsettling?
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The verdict
Yes, it is cheesy (like eating an entire wheel of brie) and cloyingly sweet (imagine polishing off a big tin of Roses). Yet, ultimately, you might come away with a surprisingly warm and fuzzy glow.
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