As imagined by Brian Beacom
THE first thing you wish to know is if the Met have made Sue Gray’s report into alleged Covid illegalities so worthless the former pub landlady would have been better spending the last two weeks back in County Down, drinking Guinness?
Well, I have to say one can’t even assume Sue Gray likes Guinness. It’s a bit like saying you’d expect a female head of Britain’s largest police force to be empathetic with women. But if you recall my actions during the Clapham Common vigils, where protesters were hogged and tied and arrested on Covid legislation grounds, then you’ll know that one doesn’t always follow the other.
You also ask why the Met didn’t take action sooner in Whitehall, how could we have stood by and watched politicians and civil servants drag heavy suitcases full of booze into garden parties?
It’s simple. We didn’t have X-ray vision. For all the constables knew, those holiday cases could have been full of budgie smugglers and bikinis and Ambre Solaire, and copies of David Whyte’s new book How Corrupt Is Britain?
Or tins of soup and pineapple chunks, to be dropped off at the nearest Food Bank. It could have been that the same politicians who were getting tipsy, allegedly, were those who had introduced the cuts to Universal Credit – and may have been helping out those they’d reduced to workhouse levels of poverty.
Of course, many people feel that the belated Met investigation is as fake as the snow at the Beijing Games, given the massive police presence, CCTV everywhere, etc. Yet, our officers couldn’t have been sure that birthday cake was ever served up.
Yes, there was icing and marzipan on show, and a few candles involved. But we have yet to obtain hard evidence the Prime Minister indeed puffed them all out; it may well have been Jacob Rees-Mogg who puffed for him, as is so often the case.
And who’s to say that Carrie Antoinette and Lulu the wallpaper adviser weren’t there in a role relevant to the smooth running of the country?
This will now be investigated to the full, because the criteria for an investigation is now being met. And yes, you may well wonder why the criteria seems to have altered.
Well, there are many questions that will never be answered, such as how the Met got the Jean Charles de Menendez investigation so wrong, or the Wembley Euros fiasco. And indeed, why newspapers were denied a Freedom of Information request when enquiring of my two-year stint at the Foreign Office, described later by one as an ‘unspecified and rather shadowy security role.’
All we all need to know is that when at Oxford I was once a wicket keeper in the cricket club. And that Priti and Boris have come to believe I’m a pretty good person to have behind the stumps.
And if that means Sue Gray being locked in the pavilion sipping whatever isn’t that in the best interests of justice?
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereLast Updated:
Report this comment Cancel