Retailer John Lewis has released its much-anticipated Christmas advert, ruining Blink-182 and the entire concept of the festive season for everyone.

For more than a decade the company has pumped out some variation on the theme of saccharine message about togetherness allied with a slowed down, rubbish version of a classic song or a song by Keane.

This year's, which is believed to have cost around £7m, focuses on a dad trying to learn to skateboard in anticipation of the arrival of his foster child, Ellie.

Since there's skateboarding going on John Lewis have opted for a 'soulful', slowed down cover of 'All The Small Things' by Blink-182, as performed by Mike Geier.

Claire Pointon, customer director at John Lewis, said the ad was a “very different story to what we have done before” which was intended to “make you stop and think and say ‘how can I help?’.”

In actuality the advert makes you stop and think "if you were going to use a Blink song, why didn't you use 'Happy Holidays, You B*****d'?".

'All The Small Things' is not a song that is meant to be slowed down. It's not a song with a deep emotional message. It is, according to Blink singer and guitarist Tom DeLonge "really catchy and basic" so doesn't benefit from taking away one of those elements. It is also, lest we forget, from an album called Enema of the State.

HeraldScotland: The John Lewis Christmas advertThe John Lewis Christmas advert (Image: John Lewis)

John Lewis, it must be said, are not the only offenders. Indeed, at this point we may as well rebrand Christmas to Nauseatingly Twee Capitalist Consumption Fest. We'll requisition some of the marketing execs behind said adverts to fine-tune the name.

ALDI's Christmas mascot is a carrot called Kevin, with the supermarket even selling plush toys of the orange annoyance.

How much children receiving said plush enjoy chowing down on Kevin's cousins at Christmas dinner is anyone's guess.

LIDL have made a similar move with a teddy bear who comes to life and becomes famous, which is actually already a film by Seth MacFarlane, while Tesco have promised that "the only thing we'll cut are prices", which will be relief to those of us fearing the advent of the great supermarket slashings of 2022.

Marks & Spencer were first off the mark with their advert, which features comedy duo French & Saunders and was criticised in some quarters for its opulent imagery in a cost of living crisis.

Others view that as unfair, given that M&S have shown they fully understand the squeeze on the average family by delaying a decision on whether to pay dividends to shareholders this year.

These adverts will, of course, be omnipresent for the best part of nearly two months, the most obnoxious and aggravating Christmas presence since those Mogwai got fed after midnight - and at least the Gremlins only wreaked their brand of havoc for a couple of days.

As Blink-182 once sang: "So I stand with a dead smile on my face/Wondering how much of my time they'll waste/Oh god, I hate these Satan's helpers".