HOW do you like your festive viewing? Are you all about the classics? Do you prefer a comedy or something a bit more thrill-packed and gritty?
It is no secret that I’m a sucker for a romcom. And the schmaltzier the better. The kind of saccharine-sweet sentimentality that makes your teeth ache simply by watching the opening credits.
We are talking Christmas tree farms, big-city girls returning to sleepy hometowns, sleigh rides, quaint bakeries and rugged, outdoorsy men in quilted bodywarmers. Yep, there is a lot to unpack there. But enough about me. What does your best-loved movie say about you? Let’s jump right in …
The Grinch
One of my favourite memes reads: “With every passing year, I understand more and more why the Grinch just wanted to live alone with his dog …”
A bit like Karate Kid where Daniel LaRusso is the real villain of the piece and Johnny Lawrence actually the much-maligned good guy, the Grinch is arguably one of the most misunderstood anti-heroes of all-time.
Sure, he tried to steal Christmas and wreak havoc on Whoville, but that’s largely because he despised all the enforced merriment and faux niceties of the season.
If you are a fan of The Grinch, then you are probably an extroverted introvert. Around the wrong people, your social battery feels constantly depleted. But spend time with the right people and your heart grows three sizes.
Die Hard
Is Die Hard a true Christmas movie? Or is it merely Christmas adjacent? We will set aside that perennial argument for now and get down to the nitty gritty: what does watching Die Hard every December say about you?
If a shoot-em-up flick with an off-duty cop crawling through an air conditioning duct in a grubby vest gives you the festive feels, you’re probably someone who presents a tough and gruff exterior but is secretly a big softie.
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You crave nothing more than spending Christmas with family. And if you happen to find a three-pack of white sports socks and a Lynx gift set wrapped up under the tree? Even better.
Bad Santa
If Billy Bob Thornton as a self-loathing, Christmas-hating and all-round abhorrent department store Santa is your vibe, I would hazard that on more than one occasion you have woken up with The Fear after the annual office party. And are likely on first-name terms with the HR department.
You tell yourself that now social media is a thing you should really dial it back. Then again, your eye-popping dance floor antics went viral on TikTok last year and the bragging rights lasted well into the New Year. So, meh.
It’s A Wonderful Life
Who do we have here? Ah yes, it’s the old-fashioned traditionalist with a detailed spreadsheet and a to-the-minute timetable for all the merry “fun”.
You want everything to be perfect. Christmas will be ruined unless you have a specific type of goose fat-slathered roast potatoes, the very best chestnuts and super fancy crackers.
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You will queue for hours at the butcher, baker, delicatessen and off-licence. Your gift-wrapping skills involve AI-level, painstaking precision. The tree looks like it was decorated by angels. And everyone watching It’s A Wonderful Life together on Christmas Eve is non-negotiable.
It is all exhausting and unnecessary. Yet … that’s the time-honoured magic of martyrdom. This year? Cut yourself some slack. Maybe watch Bad Santa.
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
You are well-intentioned and only want the best for your nearest and dearest. Even if you make a few wrong turns along the way. Chances are you grew up on a diet of John Hughes films (Gen X, right?) and also have Home Alone or the 1994 remake of Miracle on 34th Street topping your watch list.
You are probably still mad that you never got a Mr Frosty ice slush maker in your childhood stocking. And operate under the illusion that Viennetta and Babycham remain the height of sophistication.
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