Hello, police please. I’d like to report a mugging. Broad daylight, last Saturday, in the cafe of a well-known High Street store.

What was stolen? £17 from my good person - the cost of two tuna sandwiches and two soft drinks.

You hear about society going to hell in a wonky supermarket trolley but the collapse of all we hold dear does not hit home till it is there in black and white, printed on a receipt. £5.95 for a sandwich. It is bad enough a fancy coffee now sets you back a fiver in some establishments.

It was partly my fault. I was in a rush, did not have the right specs on, so couldn’t see the price when I picked up the sarnies. How bad could it be, I asked myself. £5.95 bad was the answer.

I could have cancelled the order when the chap at the till delivered the bad news, but the queue behind me was already out the door and growing more fractious by the minute.

As cafe-related scandals go it was almost as outrageous as the afternoon tea I had at a garden centre last month, complete with £4.50 for a slice of Victoria Sponge. A pal with a Christmas voucher paid for that but I was outraged on Santa’s behalf.

How can anyone afford to go out for a meal when a simple sandwich and a drink cost so much? I was only feeding one child (albeit she’s 31 and has a job). How do people with more weans manage?

We were not the only victims in this localised crime wave: the woman at the next table had a scone and a small pot of tea - £7. She tipped me the wink about a place not far away where you can stuff your face with reasonably priced baked goods at a fraction of the price. See you soon, Greggs.