NOTE to SNP MSPs: sometimes less is more.
Take the thunderous applause at FMQs, for instance.
Every time Nicola Sturgeon reached the end of a sentence it was like Last Night of the Proms.
Dripping in bunting and fear, the Nationalist backbenches clapped the First Minister so hard, and in perfect unison, that it merely put her troubles up in lights.
There’s nothing like conspicuous support to remind an audience of your problems.
Foremost of which, as gnawed at by Kezia Dugdale, remains MP Michelle Thomson, whose vulture property deals led to a solicitor being struck off for possibly assisting mortgage fraud.
Had the Law Society of Scotland, which dawdled for a year before alerting prosecutors, met its responsibilities, asked the Scottish Labour leader.
“In the long list of ridiculous questions that I have been asked by Labour in the chamber over a series of months, that one takes the biscuit,” Ms Sturgeon replied, pointing out the Society was nothing to do with her, and adding she wouldn’t take “sanctimonious lectures” from Labour, given five of its MPs and ex-MPs went to pokey in the last parliament.
But voters might think “the Scottish establishment is closing ranks to protect one of its own”, law graduate Ms Dugdale gasped to ex-solicitor Ms Sturgeon.
Would the FM urge the Society to publish all papers relating to the delay?
Intriguingly, Ms Sturgeon said she would.
When Ms Dugdale thanked her for the “welcome progress”, SNP MSPs couldn’t overcome their urges and instinctively started jeering even this tiniest Labour victory.
“I welcome the answer and still they groan,” Ms Dugdale snapped back.
However her best point concerned judgment rather than legality, including Ms Sturgeon’s fateful punt on making Mrs T the SNP business spokesperson at Westminster.
“On the one hand, everybody in the SNP praised Michelle Thomson for her business experience; but on the other hand, the FM says that nobody in the SNP knew anything about Michelle Thomson’s business experience. That does not stack up.”
After all, Mrs T’s property firm boasted the rise in people struggling to keep a roof after the Crash was a “great opportunity” for bargain hunters.
“Is preying on desperate people ever an ethical way to run a business?” asked Ms Dugdale.
“No, I do not think that it is,” Ms Sturgeon grimaced, clinging to a new poll which showed the SNP on an all-time high and Labour “dying on its feet”.
Ms Dugdale gave a lofty tut. “I came to the chamber to ask questions about businesses that make their money from exploiting vulnerable people, and the First Minister’s response was to refer to a poll and tell us that everyone loves her. That is really quite incredible.”
Though not quite as incredible as her next gem - that Mrs T had been due to speak on “exploring new markets” at this month’s SNP conference.
“The FM personally endorsed Michelle Thomson as a candidate saying: ‘Michelle knows what she’s doing.’ Now we all know what Michelle was doing. Is it not time.. to admit it would be wrong for Michelle Thomson to return as an SNP MP?”
The FM sighed before administering a verbal kneecapping to her former colleague.
“Michelle Thomson is not a member of the SNP. She does not hold the SNP whip. She is not a spokesperson for the SNP. She will not be attending the SNP conference. That is what happens when serious allegations are raised that concern the SNP.” Ouch.
Much more of this and the final stop in Mrs T’s property trail will be under the FM’s patio.
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