Glad hair day

GREAT news for the hard of hair as Alex Salmond proves there’s life in the old scalp yet. The former FM has seen a dramatic turnaround in his follicle fortunes as Alba leader, Unspun observes. Back in May, an official party video showed him sporting a windswept silver thatch, yet this month he turned raven black. Cynics have cruelly suggested the Banff Berlusconi may, out of vanity, have resorted to chemical methods. But we can’t believe that. After all, and as the man himself says, The Dream Shall Never Dye.

Alba-tross

TALKING of Alba, we wonder if it will be making a big song and dance about its latest ex-SNP recruit. A former SNP council candidate in Glasgow, but now best known for hoisting ‘England get out of Scotland’ banners at the border and elsewhere, serial protester Sean Clerkin has added his headline-grabbing skills to Alba’s ranks. But given his disillusion with Nicola Sturgeon and the SNP, how long can it be before he’s clamouring against Mr Salmond too?

Silent treatment

SPOILSPORT of the week was Mandy Rhodes, the editor of Holyrood magazine, who hosted a fringe at the virtual SNP conference on Monday. As panellists swapped pleasantries before things kicked off, Transport Secretary Michael Matheson moaned about SNP HQ and the useless website links it sends him. Just as it was getting juicy, Mandy cut in: “Just so that you know, everybody can hear what you’re saying, before you slag them off too much.”  Great work, Scoop!

Jeeves and Humza

MINIMAL sympathy at Holyrood for hapless health secretary Humza Yousaf after he jackknifed his medical aide on Thursday, a moment watched by joyful millions on Twitter.  Since rupturing a tendon, Mr Yousaf has relied on crutches and a wheeled knee support. For some reason, he treated the latter like a kid’s scooter, haring up the corridor to the Holyrood chamber with predictable results. More hearts went out to the young flunky spotted running behind him, struggling to keep up. A whip-round for the long-suffering 'crutch butler' has even been mooted. We trust Mr Yousaf would give generously.

Musical glares
THIS week’s ‘Where are they now’ entry is Fergus Mutch, former SNP spindoctor and near-miss Aberdeenshire West candidate in May’s Holyrood election. We hear Fergie has fallen back on his piping skills to make ends meet, and recently did the honours at a high-powered conference in Braemar. Despite spotting Boris Johnson’s sister Rachel and the PM's aide Allegra Stratton among the attendees, he somehow resisted the temptation to give them a blast of Flower of Scotland on repeat. But only just. 

No guts, no glory
ALSO back is FM special adviser Kate Higgins, last seen making headlines in the pandemic by moaning to officials about that other priority, Scots beef being sold under a Union Jack label. She tweeted she was now “eating as much Scottish produce as I can” for Scottish Food and Drink Fortnight. On one day she scarfed “haggis, free range eggs, tomatoes, mushrooms, broth made with barley, carrots, savoy cabbage, leeks, cheddar, rasps & brambles, trout and a late evening pudding of a Gianni's choc ice”. We fear the Yes Diet may now lead to Scots indigestion fortnight, and wish her a speedy recovery.