IT’S not just a parody. It’s not even a parody of a farce. It’s a parody of a sham of a farce. When it comes to the current discussion around a future independence referendum, please feel free to append your own additional measures of absurdity, like Pi to the infinite digit. You could include "pretence", "play-acting", "imposture", "feint", "contrivance", "phoney" – the English language has a flotilla of synonyms for what many would call plain old fashioned "bull".

It’s now become agony to listen to the SNP and Greens discuss a future referendum. We’re no longer talking about "indy", we’re talking about "nindy" – the negative of independence: the state of being which defines a nation engaged in discussion about an independence referendum which every sane person knows isn’t going to happen for the foreseeable future.

Over the last week we’ve seen our pro-independence politicians descend into a state of "being and nothingness" that would inspire jealousy in Jean-Paul Sartre. One moment, independence is alive and well – it’s going to happen; the next, independence is seemingly no more, sidelined, pushed to the fringes, elbowed to the edge of history.

Read more: I believe in independence – that’s why the state of the SNP breaks my heart

A week ago, SNP Westminster leader Ian Blackford hinted, heavily, that independence wasn’t going anywhere due to the invasion of Ukraine. Asked about plans for independence, he replied: “We have got to be respectful of the situation that we are in.” He insisted: “The only thing I am focusing on today is Ukraine”.

He rattled on some more about mandates and wanting to execute them, but for the poor souls attempting to decipher what the SNP is truly saying – like Ancient Greeks before the Oracle at Delphi, or Cold War Kremlinologists trying to figure out if Leonid Brezhnev was dead or merely sleeping standing up – it seemed Mr Blackford had implied that indyref2 (nindyref2) was being mothballed for the time being.

A few days later though, his boss Nicola Sturgeon issued her perhaps gazillionth cry of "indy is coming!" Despite Mr Blackford’s comments, the First Minister, when asked if Ukraine had altered her commitment to a second referendum in 2023, claimed: “My plans and my thinking hasn’t changed.”

At this point, the crew of the International Space Station could probably have heard the collective moan of “what the actual…?" going up from the Scottish people.

Which is it, SNP? You speak with such forked-tongues that we could keep cutlery in your mouths.

Then the Greens started in on the same shenanigans. Patrick Harvie said legislation to hold a second independence referendum would be introduced to the Scottish Parliament “before too long”. Ok – so it’s on, then … we’re doing it, right?

Well, that’s what it sounded like, didn’t it? Even though we know that introducing legislation at Holyrood means naff all in terms of holding a referendum as power on that issue lies with Westminster. Nevertheless, Mr Harvie said plans were “fully in line with the intention to hold an independence referendum in the timescale we promised”.

So that’s 2023. Got ya. We’re on course. Mr Harvie and Ms Sturgeon say it’s happening. Mr Blackford must have been having a moment – nothing to worry about. Proceed as planned, troops.

Well, maybe not, because a couple of days later, Green co-leader Lorna Slater wouldn’t commit to whether she believes there will be an independence referendum in 2023.

She was asked: “Do you still think there will be an independence referendum by the end of next year?” She replied: “We’re working towards having an independence referendum next year.”

Great, thanks, but does that mean it’s happening? All she would say, when pressed, was to reiterate “we’re going to start working towards that”.

So it’s on, it’s off; it’s definite, it’s maybe. SNP says Yes, SNP hints No; Greens say aye, Greens hint naw. It’s like trying to get a straight answer from Baron von Munchausen. It’s bad enough having to deal with one party playing the smart Alec, now we’ve two. Is this the Scottish version of the Russian military doctrine Maskirovka that we’re seeing played out – the art of deception, used to keep everyone in a state of confusion? It certainly feels like it.

Nats and Greens should shut up about independence unless they can speak with one clear, consistent voice. Only the terminally deluded still thinks there’ll now be an independence referendum any time soon – because of these very antics.

Read more: How can the left support the SNP Thatcher-lite indy vision?

It’s not a case of the SNP or Greens not believing in independence. Of course they believe in independence. They just know it’s a non-starter for some years to come. We haven’t even begun recovering from Covid and now we’re in a state of Cold War with Russia. Ms Sturgeon is certainly smart enough to know that few if any undecided voters will switch to Yes at this juncture in history. Clearly then, Yes won’t win a referendum if it’s held any time soon.

The bind is, though, that the SNP, in particular, needs to keep up the pretence that a referendum is on its way as that’s what the base wants. If the party doesn’t continually throw hardcore supporters some red meat – or rather, plant-based meat-substitute at this stage – claiming independence is just around the corner, then why vote for it? The phoney promises have to keep coming to maintain the party in power.

And so here we are: in this hellish prefabricated limbo of nothingness. Political leaders would be best served getting their collective heads down to some hard work. The governance of Scotland plumbs abysmal depths. A sixth year modern studies class could probably run this country better. The endless failure in domestic policy is encyclopaedic.

Even if the Government cannot admit that there’ll be no referendum in the near future, just shush now, please, for pity’s sake, as you’re boring us. Work hard at governing Scotland well for however long it takes until the time is right once more to restart the discussion about independence. If by then the SNP has shown that it really can govern this nation – and govern with talent – without continually relying on fantasy, then the people may well decide that independence is worth it. Until then, quit taking us for fools.

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