Wrong turn

THE Great Gordon Broon launched his latest report on the constitution with Sir Keir Starmer on Monday at Edinburgh’s Apex Hotel. Confusingly, there are two Apex hotels on the same street, and Labour’s Sarah Boyack went to the wrong one. Bad enough when you consider she’s an MSP for the area, but she was also hosting the event. Ahem. The former PM's Report of the Commission on the UK’s Future then turned out to have misspelled its own name on every page. The word Commission appeared 72 times but “Commisson” let the side down 153 times. And they say Gordon Broon is a details man as well...

Double Brown

TUESDAY’S battle to find the new SNP Westminster leader was presided over by the party’s deputy leader Keith Brown. He didn’t bother to go down to the Commons to officiate, however, but joined online because he had to go to the SNP Christmas party afterwards. One hack asked him if it was a UN-style peacekeeping mission, earning a lethal stare from the former Falklands Royal Marine. No one could keep the peace in that group.

Eye eye

THE SNP Christmas party is a wild do. Fancy dress is not unknown. Which is perhaps why MSPs on the justice committee weren’t overly shocked to see Colette Stevenson squinting with a pirate-worthy eyepatch the next morning. The husky Nat blamed a scurvy contact lens, ooh arr. As it’s the season of goodwill, we’ll go with it.

Flynn ice

Stephen Flynn started his job as Westminster SNP boss with a tribute to his predecessor Ian Blackford at PMQs. “He is a giant,” Mr Flynn told the chamber, leading to much tittering about the curvy crofter's ample acreage. “Of the Scottish independence movement”, he added quickly. Mr Flynn wasn’t alone in falling foul of a misplaced pause. Rishi Sunak tried to beat up Sir Keir Starmer by calling him weak. “I tell him what is weak,” the PM stumbled. At which, there was a mass cry of “You!”

Roman Holiday

GREEN minister Patrick Harvie has been on a taxpayer-funded jaunt to Rome, Unspun hears. The charm of Italy in late autumn was no doubt irrelevant as the Glasgow MSP thrilled fellow attendees with his thoughts on ‘Embedding Participation in Climate Policy-Making’. Scottish Ministers gave the event zero publicity at the time - or since. It was, naturally, a meeting about “Open Government”. 

Labour dispute
SCOTTISH Labour deputy Jackie Baillie was livid this week over the homeless charity Shelter driving their staff to strike. “Despite healthy finances and reserves of £13.5m, Shelter has imposed a 3% pay deal without consultation,” she huffed on Twitter. “There is no excuse.” Perhaps she should have a word with the chair of Shelter Scotland, her old boss and friend of the worker... Kezia Dugdale.

Dog fight

THERE was a well-attended puppy shoot at Holyrood on Thursday. No, not that kind. A photo shoot organised by the SSPCA to highlight illegal dug trafficking. Most MSPs waited patiently to get snapped with a vote-winning mutt. But Unspun’s mole tells us that Nat Kenny Gibson barged to the front to demand a pic pronto, raising hackles all round. “Perhaps the whips should keep him on a short leash,” says our source. Or spay him.