Left from right

IS there anything Green minister Lorna Slater can’t get wrong? Answering questions about her ill-fated deposit return scheme on Tuesday, she got miffed at some noisy Tories and complained about “chuntering to my right”. At which Tory Stephen Kerr pointed out it was actually coming from her left. “Sorry - to my left," she flapped. "Thank you. Despite the chuntering to my left.” The unilateral chuntering was unsurprisingly replaced by laughter all round. 

Pringle of Scotland

HE’S back! Holyrood witnessed the Return of the King this week, as SNP legend Kevin Pringle reappeared after an eight year absence to be Humza Yousaf’s top spindoctor. Sceptics may think the FM needs a pathologist not a doctor, but if anyone can revive his fortunes it’s Kevin. If he gets a chance. In true Scottish Government fashion, his arrival was complicated by a struggle with his email address. 

Of the litter

KING Kevin’s return prompted one government veteran to reminisce about the old days with Unspun. The person recalled having to ask one SNP minister to stop using the word “c***” at work, which was an unfortunate verbal tic. The minister loudly refused - in the middle of an open plan office - by applying the epithet to the impertinent requester. Simpler times.

Flower grab

THE SNP reaction to Nicola Sturgeon’s arrest and release without charge has ranged from the sentimental to the comical. The party’s MSPs decided to send the former First Minister some flowers “as a mark of sympathy” given all she had been through, though one uncharitably said a wreath would be more in order. There was also a weird plea from SNP president Michael Russell. He told the BBC he wanted people to show “an element of neutrality” to the ex-FM. He also wanted “an element of benevolence and an element of generosity”. How very neutral of him.
 
First and always

THE sycophantic bouquet even got a mention at PMQs, where Rishi Sunak tried to crowbar it into a dig at SNP Westminster leader Stephen Flynn. “Grow up,” Flynn growled. Health secretary Michael Matheson also defended the blooms. It wasn’t always appropriate to send suspects in criminal investigations a sympathy gift, but there were “different circumstances” for Ms Sturgeon, he told the Beeb. He then called her “the First Minister”, suggesting Humza Yousaf is not just the continuity candidate, but the continuity doormat. 

Tough case

Talking of people helping the fuzz with their enquiries, Ms Sturgeon’s fellow arrestee Colin Beattie is looking for a new caseworker. The job advert run by the former SNP treasurer and MSP for Musselburgh says the ideal candidate should have “a natural interest in helping people, with a curiosity to probe for further information where required”. Sounds like they’d be better off joining Operation Branchform and meeting Mr Beattie that way.

Risky business

THE SNP is also looking for a new £95,000-a–year chief executive to replace third arrestee Peter Murrell, aka Nicola Sturgeon’s hubby. Given the police interest in the party’s cash, the job spec wisely demands  proven “experience of financial management”. More worrying for wannabes, it also requires “knowledge of risk management processes”. Gulp.