Clacks appeal
Get the popcorn, folks. Unspun hears there could be a delicious clash of egos at the general election in the new Alloa and Grangemouth seat. Talking haircut John Nicolson is standing for the SNP. But he won’t have the Indy vote to himself. Alba is kicking up a fuss about the fate of the local oil refinery and Alba chair Tasmina Ahmed-Sheikh is tipped to be the party’s candidate, having been briefly Alloa’s MP in her SNP days. Neither is famed for their modesty or self-awareness, so an explosive battle lies ahead. Just don’t go too near that oil refinery.

Taking a dip
Our First Minister has been in London this week, giving a speech at the LSE. In the Q&A afterwards, he revealed a pet hate of his was muddled names. Taking care with all who asked a question, he said: “I don’t like to get people’s names wrong. People pronounce my name wrong all the time. I was recently called humous by somebody.” Still, it beats hapless, hopeless and Youseless.
Edukashun roolz
Once he'd shared that, Humza Yousaf showed the value of a private education, after fellow Hutchesons' Grammar boy and leader of Scottish Labour Anas Sawar was mentioned. “Yes, we went to the same school," he recalled, “though I should say that he was two years older than me.” He then added sagely: “And that remains the case.” See what those fees get you?

Party games
Don't think politics is fun? Try and say "windy and wet" while looking at someone called Wendy. Angus Robertson gave it his best shot during his evidence to the Commons Scottish Affairs Committee this week. Declaring that Scotland had won "the natural resource lottery" with its renewables potential, he said: "When speaking to other northern European countries, which all tend to be Wendy..., er, windy and wet, not Wendy countries. I was looking at Wendy Chamberlain as I said that. Which is a Scottish Affairs Committee inside joke." Well, someone's a joke.

Cop drop
But Ms Chamberlain, the Liberal Democrat MP for North East Fife, also had a tricky moment. At the start of the session, she moved a full jug of water and spilled the lot over SNP MP Anum Qaisar. “I’m sorry! There was a hole in the middle of the table, as I’ve just discovered,” she winced. Rather disconcertingly, given her poor detective work, Ms Chamberlain used to be a police officer. 

Penny dreadful
Yet another mauling for poor SNP MP Deidre Brock at the hands of Penny Mordaunt in the Commons on Thursday. “There has been criticism this week that the SNP is blowing taxpayers’ cash on copious embassies and lobbying to rejoin the EU,” drawled the Tory leader of the house. “That camper van must be out of the police pound soon, so why not turn it into a mobile embassy?” Ouch.

Long haul Lisa
Ex Nat Dr Lisa Cameron was feted at the Scots Tory conference last month. Senior figures sang her praises and she even introduced Dougie Ross’s big speech. It's amazing she found the time. According to her new register of interests, the East Kilbride MP has been on four top junkets since defecting last October. San Marino, Qatar, Switzerland and most recently Japan, where she met the PM. The four were worth £15,401 in total. Not bad for a humble PPS in the Scotland Office, and obviously not any kind of reward for jumping ship.