As imagined by Brian Beacom

SORRY, but can I just take a minute? That tear which almost formed in my eye on Thursday seems to be making a re-appearance, thanks to a Tweet I’ve read from Isa in Maybole.

Can I read it you?

It says ‘Nicola, hen, you are up there with the truly great women of our age; Jacinda, Angela the German, and Christine in Two Doors Down. You will be sadly missed.’

And while Isa says I’ll be missed, like millions of others she need not worry.

As you know, I didn’t depart the stage last week by offering a summary of my tenure to the Scottish Affairs Committee, discussing my record on taxation, education and energy.

No, Nicola chose to show up on ITV’s Loose Women and get an easier ride than a 20-year-old Clydesdale. And make a pitch for a job at the same time.

There is one thing about the Loosies, however.

I admit it will be tricky to talk about the personal stuff these women throw out.

As you know, I never even knew what Peter discussed at our home as regards Alex Salmond. We certainly never spoke of why he lent the SNP 100k recently.

So, I’ll have to talk about bookishness and stuff and how this introverted girl grew into stilettos and the ability to destroy with a lash of the tongue. And yes, I’ve developed bunions along the way. The name Joanna Cherry springs to mind.

But let me be clear; the nippy sweetiness of yesteryear will soon be replaced by a Cadbury’s fondant centre approach, as I turn my life away from the Tarantino-like Holyrood exchange to something more approaching confectionery.

You know, in all truth, I’ve come to detest the world of rabid exchange that is politics. I detest all that point-scoring, gallery-playing name calling. In fact, I detest the word detest.

But I’d like to reflect on the successes Nicola has achieved. The Child Payments of course. The baby boxes, the laptops and the bikes, even if they haven’t all been delivered.

And people continually say to me, ‘Nicola, you are an inspiration to women in Scotland. The support you have given to the feminist movement is undeniable, the unadulterated development and progress of strong, intelligent females to lead us forward.’ And I, Nicola, say that’s exactly true.

Which is why I’m backing Humza.

Which brings us to your question about succession, the squabbling, the uncontainable egomania and self-interest which we’ve all been stunned – and gripped – by. Well, I can say, I will be watching it this week because I love Brian Cox.

What? Yes, you can see the tear in my eye? Is it frustration that I didn’t stand on the Linesman’s toe with my stiletto? Partly. But mostly, it’s a tear of joy. You’ll now get to see the human Nicola, the one who is calling for kindness. And understanding. And a light entertainment career.

By the way, do you have a number for Kaye Adams?