Good day - Steve Clarke

Forget politics. A week is an eternity in football. I am simply not going to mention that mild setback in Munich. (And, please, broadcasters, it’s -ch as in loch, not -ck as in lock.) Instead, let’s talk about our immersion in the sweet water of Cologne. I applaud the commentator who said some players need a supportive embrace – and some need a kick up the backside. Perhaps Steve Clarke deployed both. Either way, it worked. Only a couple of changes – but a different shape and a sense of determination. Well done. Left us hungry for the next game. Ok, Ok, dreadful pun. Great prospect, though.

Bad week - Boris Johnson

I mean, look, I know, I get it, we’re not exactly simpatico. But he was in my Cabinet – and now? Never writes, never phones, never texts. Look, I’ve done all they asked. Every blasted candidate who gets in touch. Personal endorsement, even when I scarcely know them – or, frankly, want to. And now I learn that the PM doesn’t see me joining him on the campaign trail. Y’know, for those red wall seats north of Watford. Wherever that is. Apparently, they’re now worried about losing seats in the south – and I’m somehow less of a draw. Hasta la vista, eh?