Day or night, rain or shine, yin or yang, there is a universal, untransmutable constant around which we can all coalesce, no matter our political colour, background or creed – it’s always the BBC’s fault.
When there’s a scandal that has unhinged the world from its axis, when the brown stuff is bouncing off the blades of the fan, and the usual suspects are polishing their words of outrage, we can all bet the farm that it’s the national broadcaster that’s getting it in the neck.
The latest calumny to rock the corporation to its foundations, concerns its apparent failure to immediately stop filming an obscure singer shouting some moronic things in a field in Somerset.
On that basis the world – and by that I mean the Conservative Party and the Daily Mail – have gone into meltdown, demanding the immediate arrest of anyone remotely connected to the affair, up to and including the director-general of the BBC.
God help us. If that was to transpire, we truly would be on a runaway train towards the terminus of a police state.
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Amid the froth and fury of events at Glastonbury last Sunday, it would benefit us all to draw breath and calmly consider what actually happened.
One of two punk singers, both called Bob Vylan – but whose true identities we don’t know because they refuse to divulge them – took time from their set to chant “death to the IDF” (Israeli Defence Force).
The performer of whom, before last weekend, few of us had ever heard, also used the phrase “from the river to the sea”, interpreted by some as advocating the destruction of Israel.
From the little information that is publicly available about Bob Vylan, they are clearly more Ali G than Malcolm X.
The pair hail from Ipswich, from where they have waged a near decade-long campaign of meat-headed, sixth-form sloganeering, with song lyrics like “violence is the only language some people understand”; “I heard you want your country back/shut the f**k up”; and “Whitney was everything to me when I was a kid”.
Prior to Glastonbury, all the talk was about the platforming of the Belfast hip hop trio Kneecap, who have form when it comes to upsetting the British establishment, through an overtly pro-Irish republican agenda.
If Bob Vylan’s intention was to boost their own profile by grabbing the spotlight of infamy from Kneecap, they clearly succeeded, though at a cost. Their antics have sparked an investigation by Avon and Somerset Police, cost them their relationship with their agent, and led to the imposition of a ban on them entering the United States.
Someone should tell them that a minimum obligation on anyone claiming the right of free speech is to divulge who is doing the speaking.
There are those however – like the Shadow Home Secretary Chris Philp, and former Home Secretary Priti Patel – for whom Bob Vylan are small fry, and who have their eyes on the bigger prize.
Philp urged police to investigate and prosecute both the performers and the BBC, condemning the broadcaster for airing "vile hatred" that incites violence.
The first test for the police, in deciding whether to bring charges, will be whether the singer’s words actually did incite violence and here, the evidence is scant.
Police reported a total of 145 crimes over the five days of the festival, which included 27 reports of violence against a person, 22 drug offences, 13 public order offences, and one report of “miscellaneous crimes against society”. They didn’t reveal how many arrests were made before or after Bob Vylan’s comments.
Historically, the number of arrests is on the low side when compared, for example, with 1999 when 244 people were arrested at Glastonbury – 70 more than the previous year.
For those watching on TV, anyone simple-minded enough to arm themselves for a tilt at the Israeli army – one of the world’s most formidable fighting forces – based on the ramblings of a provincial clodpole at a music festival is just as likely to be influenced by something they have read on a toilet wall.
There is also the nature of the comments, and whether they constitute incitement to violence. Calling for an individual to be killed clearly is a crime, but can the same be said about a military force in a war?
To express support for the victory of Ukraine, following its illegal invasion by Russia, for example, implies the inevitability that some Russian soldiers will be killed. Should that too be regarded as an incitement to violence, punishable by UK law?
Issues of free speech aside, there is the question of the BBC’s culpability. It is shocking that there does not appear to have been a protocol in place for the broadcaster to mute a performance that contained potentially illegal content.
Was it beyond the wit of anyone at the corporation to use the same birdsong dubbing techniques that Channel Four used during live broadcasts of Big Brother when housemates made potentially defamatory comments?
Why is all the focus on the BBC, rather than on the festival organisers making vast amounts of money platforming such acts?
It’s not as if organisers didn’t know the potential dangers posed by Bob Vylan, who posted on Facebook ahead of their performance: "Turns out we're finally at a point where the BBC trust us on live TV! Watch us live either in the field or in the comfort of your own home!"
Let’s be clear, the chances of Tim Davie – or anyone else at the BBC – being successfully prosecuted for anything over this affair are slimmer than Kneecap campaigning for the Tories at the next General Election.
Beyond the silly season neurosis of the Bob Vylan saga, the real villains are the Israeli politicians and soldiers responsible for the deaths of 56,531 Gazans since October 7 and the animals from Hamas who perpetrated the 2023 atrocity.
Carlos Alba is a journalist, author, and PR consultant at Carlos Alba Media. His latest novel, There’s a Problem with Dad, explores the issue of undiagnosed autism among older people
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