The pantomime that is the deliverance of Scotland's ferry services is anything but funny, says Herald columnist Calum Steele
One of the greatest traditions that Christmas throws our way is that of pantomime. The ability to completely lose yourself for a couple of hours watching ridiculous, exaggerated characters act out a vaguely familiar story, with mirth, merriment and song for no other reason than entertainment, is a simple pleasure everyone should experience at least once in their lifetime.
Christmas is also the time where plonking yourself down in front of the telly to re-watch films so familiar that you know the script, and find yourself reminiscing that the new stuff isn’t a patch on the old favourites, as your own particular favourite version of A Christmas Carol is consumed for the umpteenth time. Patrick Stewart and Michael Caine both play a fine Scrooge, but even their stellar performances don’t stand a chance when the officialdom of Government enters from stage left – and issues guidance on how to have fun. Few things bring Christmas cheer like a government memo, after all.
For those of us unable to get to a theatre, we have to be grateful that the pantomime performances from our parliament are able to be beamed live into our own living rooms. Where else can we watch the veritable “who’s that” of Scottish politics perform in their own farce – failing to realise we are laughing at them, not with them – while we bemoan that they don’t make them like they used to, as the performers of yesteryear at least managed their appearances without a script.
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Last week’s “oh no they didn’t” moment of performative nonsense came as almost all of our parliamentarians showed their humorous side as they voted to make dog theft a criminal offence. Fine and noble indeed, were it not for the fact stealing a dog was already a crime – oh yes it is – but let’s not let that tiny detail distract all the boys and girls looking on with bewilderment.
But like all good Christmas stories, we are now getting to the serious bit in the middle. The bit that reminds us of the purpose.
Every once in an increasingly rare while, our parliament actually stands up and does what it is supposed to. And whilst there is a propensity to flood the last week before recess with umpteen reports and press releases, one that deserves high praise was the scathing report on the spiralling cost of public inquiries.
At a cost of £260 million and counting, there can be little doubt that Scotland’s public inquiries are out of control. A parliamentary committee dominated by government MSPs concluded they were “poorly defined” and subject to “limited financial oversight” – a damning verdict from within the system itself. As the committee’s convenor, SNP MSP Ken Gibson pointed out, “This is public money that’s not going into public services – that’s something we really need to take cognisance of.”
That observation should have consequences. £260m on what in some instances are near-endless vanity projects is an absolute disgrace, but I fear that like many parliamentary reports this one will find its way into a dusty archive and be referred to only on the rarest of occasions.
Parliament has form here. Its Finance and Audit committees have consistently shown they are not shy in lampooning the Government’s casual approach to the management of the public finances – yet the lack of accountability suggests the Government views their criticisms as mere inconveniences to be endured rather than being addressed with anything other than soundbites.
Examples are everywhere. Millions have been poured into failed legal challenges – against the UK Government on gender self-identification, and most incredibly, against For Women Scotland over what it is to be a woman. Even as I write this, that sentence still feels absurd. Increasingly, the Government has also clashed with the Information Commissioner, who appears to have reached the limits of patience with a culture of opacity that pervades so many decisions and policies.
But for each of these examples, the one issue above almost all others that should have claimed scalp after scalp is the scandalous treatment of island communities and the delivery of lifeline ferry services – and especially to the island I still call home – South Uist.
With yet another in a long line of delays to the delivery of the Glen Rosa – advised in the pre-Christmas flood of announcements – it is testing the season of goodwill beyond its limits that sackings and resignations have not followed.
At £460m and counting, and already costing more than the building of the Scottish Parliament – and close to twice the heavily criticised cost of public inquiries – it is the scandal that keeps on giving. In any sane world, this flagrant misuse of public funds would have been more deserving of a public inquiry than some of the issues that have been given one – but my cynicism tells me lost mobile phones, deleted messages and poor record logs would render such an exercise another expensive folly.
The neglect of South Uist and Colonsay in particular is especially galling as Fiona Hyslop’s "fairy godmother" promises made at the start of summer – including a £4.4m islands business resilience fund – have turned out to be more of a turkey than the golden egg-laying goose initially suggested.
Meant initially to be specifically targeted at islands most affected by cancellations and disruptions, the fact the lion’s share of the fraction of the funds paid out so far have been to businesses not in South Uist leaves a very sour taste in the mouth at the tail end of their harshest trading year.
Islanders don’t need to look far for their wicked witches, evil stepmothers, and pantomime villains, for they see them every time anything remotely ferry-related makes the news.
If this were a stage show rather than just an actual pantomime, ministers would be hearing the boos and hisses from the stalls. Instead, the people of South Uist and Colonsay are left footing the bill for delays, broken promises, and mismanaged funds. Goodwill may be abundant at Christmas, but it is no substitute for ferries that run, funding that reaches its mark, or a government that is held to account. Islanders deserve more than festive cheer and platitudes – they deserve competence, commitment, and accountability. Anything less leaves the curtain falling on a very unhappy performance.
Calum Steele is a former General Secretary of the Scottish Police Federation, and former general secretary of the International Council of Police Representative Associations. He remains an advisor to both.
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