"Have I forgotten to change my captain this week?"
"Why is he still in my starting eleven, he's injured!"
"Mark, it's date night put your phone away."
Just a few of the things I've been told or annoyed myself thinking about during Fantasy Football seasons over the years.
The game that's as fun as it is divisive, as addictive as it is time consuming.
But it's impossible to get it out your mind when you've started.
We recently revealed how Fantasy Football Scotland launched its own Scottish Premiership league that is sure to delight the thousands of mobile phone managers who slog it out each year in their friends' private league.
And you can be guaranteed that my colleagues and I in the office will also do battle to see who comes out on top at the end of May next year.
But I'm playing my hand early this year to assist you, the reader, in picking your own teams.
Here is my STARTING XI based on stone cold facts and stats.
Zander Clark
St Johnstone's goalie had a terrific season last term.
His team finished seventh in the league - sixth if you discount the nonsensical split points debacle - but his stats were unmatched.
Clark kept 15 clean sheets in the Scots Prem - the same number as both Scott Bain and Allan McGregor having played the same number of games as the latter.
He was booked just once and was subject of a Saints backlash when he WASN'T called up for the Scotland squad.
James Tavernier
A pretty obvious one here.
The Rangers captain was outstanding for his side last season, chipping in with more than his fair share of goals and assists.
He managed 14 of each, in fact, which for a right-back seems almost superhuman.
He is guaranteed to win you points being the designated Gers penalty taker and he scores the odd free-kick as well.
Craig Halkett
Having just signed for Hearts, Halkett proved he can cut it in the big leagues after gaining promotion with Livingston.
He earned his move by scoring seven times in the league last season and has already netted three times in two games for the Jambos in this year's early Betfred cup games.
Add to that his 14 clean sheets and he'll do you proud in your defence.
Stephen O'Donnell
Kilmarnock right-back SOD played 44 times for his side in domestic contests last season.
That's a brilliant return for a guy who also earned his first Scotland caps thanks to a number of solid performances.
Seven bookings over 50 games in all competitions is a decent disciplinary record for a defender and he chips in with assists from the flank, too.
Kris Ajer
Ajer makes his way into my team - just edging out Kieran Tierney.
The big man may not score too often - albeit he's flying after his Nomme Kalju belter - but he's no-nonsense and wins clean sheets.
That's 19 in the league last season, to be precise.
READ MORE: Jurgen Klopp: Rangers can have Liverpool winger Ryan Kent - but only if they buy him
Seven yellows and a red also proves he works hard but is still not too shabby a record for a defender.
James Forrest
Obviously. Next.
Ryan Christie
As I was pieceing together my 'money no issue' dream team, Christie was at the forefront of my mind instantly.
The playmaker has become a standout for Neil Lennon after coming to the fore last season.
Two goals against Nomme Kalju in last week's UCL tie and one against Sarajevo in the previous round, he's already started this season on fire, too.
Big season for Christie - and one that could establish him as Celtic's next player to head down south next season...
Stephen Mallan
The Hibs man might be considered by some as a somewhat left-field pick but, again, the stats don't lie.
Mallan is free-kick-daft and takes them all - providing his team with goals and assists.
Ten yellow cards in the league last season shows he has a bit about him but seven goals and ten assists makes up for it.
Mallan just beat out David Turnbull on injury grounds.
The Motherwell man had his breakout season last year.
Turnbull scored goals for fun and managed a few assists, as well.
In the league he scored 15 times - and he can do so from anywhere.
Would've no doubt felt he has a point to prove after the whole Celtic debacle and the Steel Men will hope to get the most out of him this year as he now doubt attempts to convince Celtic to return for him again - if he can return from injury sharpish.
Callum McGregor
Celtic's stalwart played more minutes last season than any footballer in the entire world.
And he never looked tired.
The lad can run for 90 minutes non-stop and has built a solid relationship with his teammates around him that it's becoming increasingly easier for him to know where they're going to run to pick them out for assists.
He managed 12 last season, coupled with three league goals.
And he wasn't carded once - an all-rounder.
Alfredo Morelos
Last season's top scorer Morelos is just one of those players you need in your fantasy team.
With transfers available during the season you'll probably get rid of him multiple times after he's booked or sent-off in a game that would have taken you above your pal in the private league.
But he'll score goals for you, good or bad, which could be vital.
Sam Cosgrove
The towering forward beat out Odsonne Edouard and Leigh Griffiths in my team because he didn't half come onto a game towards the tail end of last season.
And I, for one, am hoping he keeps it up.
Celtic boss Neil Lennon doesn't yet know himself whether he'll pick Edouard or Leigh Griffiths - so I'm not taking any chances.
Cosgrove scored 17 goals last season and managed two assists - that's good enough for me.
There's always transfer windows, right?
You can download the App HERE to get your season started off properly!
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereLast Updated:
Report this comment Cancel