The modern world, and all its associated nonsense, doesn’t half make you feel deflated.
The other day, for instance, yours truly received a wonderfully withering e-mail which listed the 10 mistakes older men make that quietly reduce their attractiveness. Only 10? Crikey.
Given that I’m 50, and often recoil in horror when I glimpse my own reflection while regrouting my crow’s feet, I thought I’d better scroll through it to see if there were any pearls of wisdom I could use to salvage something from the wreckage of my middle-aged fustiness.
Alas, there was nowt and I actually stopped reading when I saw a sub-heading which stated that one of the many no-nos us increasingly decrepit eejits insist on doing is, ‘holding on to an outdated style’.
Let’s face it, folks, this column isn’t just holding on to an outdated style, it’s clinging on to it for dear bloody life.
Despite this seemingly rampant erosion of one’s allure, however, there remain little flickers of hope in the dying embers.
On a visit to the Boys’ Amateur Championship at Gailes Links last week, I reacquainted myself with a club member, and canny golfer, who informed me that his mother, and some of her pals at the local book club, were avid fans of my work.
We’ve still got it, eh? Galvanised by this revelation, I threw my shoulders back, pulled my stomach in and typed out this latest column with renewed vigour, instead of adopting my usual hunched, contorted posture which resembles Quasimodo peering at a mouse.
Anyway, an amble around the fine links during the under-18s showpiece provided plenty of food for thought. Some of you will possibly be aware that the initial starting field of 144-players featured just two Scots.
In the end, it was the 16-year-old, Oliver Eli Bjornsson, who struck an historic blow for Icelandic golf as he beat Sweden’s Ludwig Libera at the 37th hole of an intriguing final.
As mentioned before in this column, it’s been fairly slim pickings for the Scottish golf scribblers at a variety of events over the summer. We had only two home hopefuls at The Open, two at the Women’s Scottish Open and none in the AIG Women’s Open.
In relatively fallow times, I’m always reminded of the sage words of my dear colleague Douglas Lowe, the late, much missed former golf correspondent of The Herald, as he raked over the debris of a futile weekend covering the humdrum exploits of the Scots at a tournament many years ago
“These buggers are playing us out of a job,” he grumbled while reaching for the soothing remedy of a large dark rum and diet coke.
In this truly global game, of course, every country is progressing at every level. Remember when Colin Montgomerie was asked for his thoughts on Scotland playing Paraguay in the 1993 Dunhill Cup at St Andrews?
"If we can't beat them, we might as well pack our bags and go home,” declared Monty with a dismissive snort. The result? That’s right, Scotland lost 2-1.
Since then, the strength in depth across the golfing board has become deeper than the Mariana Trench.
Is Scotland lagging behind? Well, we’re certainly not setting the pace, are we? The Swedes, who have always been held up as an exemplar in structured, well-funded golfing development, had 13 players competing in the Boys’ Amateur.
Germany, France, Spain, Switzerland, Italy, the Netherlands and the Czech Republic, winners of the European Boys’ Team Championship the other year, arrived in droves too. The Estonians are making good strides in the amateur game as well.
It’s a different ball game these days and the Scots are playing catch up. As I’ve mentioned many times before on this page, there is plenty of good work being done to develop talent but, in many ways, those involved with it are still operating in silos.
In this nation’s esteemed position as the home of golf, of course, we have no divine right to success.
We were spoiled by the exploits of Sandy Lyle, Monty, Sam Torrance, Paul Lawrie and Catriona Mathew, who were all successful for very different reasons.
There is certainly no one-size-fits-all model or an E=Mc2 formula for success in this very individual game. As for performance strategies, funding, pathways and the amateur-to-pro transition?
Well, folk have debated, argued and scratched their heads over those areas and topics for ages and will no doubt continue to do so.
This conveyor belt of talent conversation is not just reserved for us crotchety Scots, mind you. Ireland’s leading two players on the World Amateur Golf Rankings, for instance, are in their 30s.
On the professional stage, meanwhile, there is no full-time Irish representation on the DP World Tour.
Rory McIlroy, Shane Lowry and Tom McKibbin dip into the European scene now and then – that’s a pretty good trio to have – but there’s a considerable void to fill below them.
Back here in the game’s cradle, we can at least take heart from encouraging figures at the grassroots.
The other year, the number of junior boys joining a club rocketed by over 28 per cent. Figures for girls, meanwhile, rose by a more modest 2.9 per cent. But it was still a rise.
As long as young ‘uns are coming into the game, then there’s always hope for a flourishing future.
Now excuse me, I’m off to find yet another way to reduce my attractiveness.
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