FUTURE SHOCK: I am Steven Seagal and I demand Sylvester Stallone cancels Rambo: Last Blood and apologises for his shameful humiliation of Russia
STOP staring at my head. If you don't, I’ll lethargically flop a flabby, arthritic hand in the direction of your windpipe. What the fake news media have maliciously suggested is a wig is actually a furry little creature who I have vowed to protect