Watch the birdie
COUNTRYSIDE-LOVING reader Scott McCabe enjoys a spot of bird watching in his spare time, and he recently fell in love with a fancy pair of binoculars he spied in the local second-hand store. On further inspection he concluded that the price tag was not to his liking, so he informed the shop assistant of his hobby, then inquired if the fellow might happen to be selling something cheaper.
The shop assistant, perhaps not the most helpful of his tribe, replied: “D’you know wit’d be cheaper? If you forget the binoculars and just staun a wee bit closer tae the birds.”
Picture perfect?
IF Edinburgh is the Athens of the North then surely that makes Glasgow the Paris of Scotia’s west coast.
Alas, some denizens of Auld Reekie refuse to accept this proposition, as proud Glaswegian Ralph Bennet discovered upon visiting a chum in Edinburgh.
Ralph was extolling the virtues of his home town and concluded by noting that Glasgow is “as pretty as a picture”.
His friend raised a dissenting eyebrow, then said: “Aye, so it is. Picasso’s Guernica.”
Taking the biscuit
WE’RE discussing office nicknames. Nicola Munro recalls a colleague who was often referred to in his absence as KitKat.
“Because,” explains Nicola, “he was always taking a break.”
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Double delight
EASILY-ENTERTAINED reader Margaret Reid gets in touch to say: “I’ve always found it strangely pleasing that there are parallel Ls in the word parallel.”
Dead off-putting
OUR more observant readers may have noticed the weather has become satisfyingly mild, with duffel coats and umbrellas replaced by crop tops and sandals.
(Though some fashion iconoclasts wear all of the above at the same time, creating a very daring ensemble, indeed.)
When summer arrives, Muirend reader Maureen Carter and a friend have a long-held tradition of taking an early-evening stroll through a local picturesque cemetery.
It’s a delightful spot, comprising stately Victorian architecture, colourful fauna and panoramic hillside views, though Maureen admits she briefly thought of cancelling this year’s exercise regime when her friend texted to say: “Weather’s getting nice. High time we start stomping over dead bodies again.”
Maniacal munchies
THE Diary’s cannibalistic craic continues, with Russell Smith from Largs arguing: “Cannibals aren’t all bad. I heard of one who liked children - though he couldn’t eat a whole one.”
Heavy-duty compliment
DELIGHTED reader Neil Masterson says: “My wife told me I’ve grown as a person. Her actual words were, ‘You’ve got fat’, but I know what she meant.”
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