Monarchical munchies

WE discovered that Prince William served burgers from a London food truck, and wondered if this means he needs to earn a little extra dosh in these financially difficult times.

“Perhaps William’s good lady could complement his efforts by operating her own royal franchise,” suggests a Bishopbriggs reader. “I’m sure KFC - Kate's Fried Chicken - would keep the bailiffs from crossing the drawbridge.”

Unsound description

PERPLEXED reader Andrew Smith gets in touch to say: “When an alarm goes off, it actually turns on.”

Way out west

THE Barbie and Oppenheimer blockbusters are being referred to by the composite title Barbenheimer, which has inspired the Diary to likewise fuse together classic films.

Wylma Dunbar suggests a movie where cowboys and their horses are both kitted out in astronaut suits.

This unusual cinematic epic would be titled How the West was Lost in Space.

Film flop

MORE movie musings. Years ago reader Robert Menzies lived in Israel where they regularly screened English films with Hebrew subtitles. “I often wondered how that worked with the Jewish calendar,” says Robert. “Somehow a film titled 1,005,783 Years BC doesn't quite have the same ring to it.”

Face facts

A GUEST appearance by Quasimodo in the Diary (we schmooze with all the top celebs) has comedian Andy Cameron wondering if many people know the true story of how he got on during his first week as an apprentice in Notre-Dame.

“He was up in the belfry,” says Andy, “and the gaffer told him to shove the bell away from him, and when it came back, to lean backwards then give it a wee dunt to set it into motion, so that it made the noise which would summon Parisians to worship.

“Unfortunately Quasi wasn’t blessed with timing, so on the third swing the bell clocked him right on the clock, thereby sending him flying to the ground several feet below.

“A crowd gathered round poor Quasi with questions being asked: ‘Qui est-il?’ et ‘Tout le Monde le connait?’

Upon the scene arrives a wee Glesga tourist, who declares: “Ah don’t know who he is, but his face rings a bell.”

Dead exciting

THE sensationally succinct Diary is discussing sporting pursuits and various games, though only in the pithiest way possible. Derek Laird provides us with a curt definition of curling, and says: “It’s where ice hockey goes to die.”

Punctured punctuation

SCOLDING reader Kevin Thomas says: “If you don’t know the difference between there, they’re and their, then your a idiot.”